It’s been quite some time since I posted on here, and lots of things have happened since. Work has been sporadic until I begin a new job in two weeks. In the meantime, I just listed a bunch of video and panty auctions on ebanned.
If you’re having trouble viewing the auctions, it’s probably because you have to be logged in in order to see them. Here’s the list just in case:
I read an interview today about Jennifer Lopez’s autobiography titled True Love, in which she talks about her failed relationships and marriages. Her disappointment came from giving too much of herself, giving into her partner’s wants and needs, instead of going for what she wanted and needed. I find myself falling into that situation time and time again.
This vicious cycle of giving instead of listening to my own needs probably stems from the way I grew up. I watched mothers around me give to men for years, even at times putting them before their children, because they feel their value somehow lies with making the man happy instead of themselves. Putting everyone first and neglecting my own needs was something I became conditioned to do, and it’s a really tough cycle to break if you’ve been doing it your entire life.
Looking back at past relationships, even if I didn’t want to have sex, I would do it anyway just to make the man happy. This type of behavior always causes resentment and misery, and it often results in the lack of sexual desire. Believe it or not, for a long time I didn’t want sex. In fact, I avoided it, because I viewed it as a boring chore rather than something pleasurable. It was because I kept giving into my partner’s needs and wants (not just sexually) rather than taking care of my own.
Even now, I find myself (and my friends remind me) that I give too much of myself too quickly, and I’m too trusting at first. I guess I just tend to like people more than they deserve. So after spending nearly a week without power from the storm, I have a different perspective of things… I’m putting me first, and anyone that can’t handle it can hit the road.
Someone I have always longed for, someone forbidden… and you finally came to me with wet lips on mine, hand in my hair, hand down my spine, hand slowly sliding to my ass…
Turning me over and gliding your lips up and down my spine, kissing my tattoos like no one else has done before, causing chills of ecstasy… My nipples harden, you reach your head around and grab one of them in your mouth… I feel your soft hair against the back of my arm… My back arches, pressing myself against your hardening cock.
You flip me back around, kissing my nipples, working your way down my belly… Your tongue on my clit, circling and whirring me into a bliss. I ache for you to be inside of me. I want to moan in my normal tone, but not so that anyone but us can hear.
I am amazed that this is happening. So wrong, yet feels so right.
About 12 or so years ago, I was selling all sorts of things on eBay. A good friend informed me that women were also selling their worn panties and “smelly” shoes to men with foot fetishes. I was a little taken aback about the used panties, because I didn’t find that it was sanitary (once I learned of the money involved, I changed my mind). As for the smelly shoes, I didn’t understand it, but I didn’t find any issues with it. It turned out to be a profitable concept – until ebay kicked off sellers for showing our feet “incorrectly” according to their strict photo guidelines. God forbid a braless foot is hanging out of a shoe and winking at you.
Someone came up with a great idea for a site like eBay but for adult items. Ebannedwas it. (I had a ton of great feedback; my screen name at the time was SexyJulie with only one X. I deleted my account once I got into a serious relationship.) It didn’t take long to get into the foot fetish business, and I still didn’t understand it until someone explained the history of it. This is information I have yet to find online.
The fetish guy said that the soles of the feet release pheromones, and back in the caveman days, men would smell the ground to sniff out a woman. This is why highly scented (or “stinky”) shoes are hot commodities for those with foot fetishes. Then of course, there’s the visual aspect of feet – toe alignment, wrinkly soles, nice pedicure – all contribute to foot attraction.
However, I’d never thought I’d be a candidate for pretty feet. It wasn’t until I met someone that told me I had perfectly aligned toes and “cute feet”. That was completely opposite of what I thought I had – and I had always tried hiding my toes because of it, and this is why: When I was in high school, a boy that I’d had a huge crush on for several years made fun of my feet, saying I had short, stubby toes like an elephant and they looked like I kicked in a wall. Wow, yes, he was that mean. I became super self-conscious of my feet after that. I had also been made fun of for having such wrinkly soles, but for foot fetish men, this is a huge plus. So fuck what anyone else thinks, because now I can make cash from my stubby toes and wrinkled soles. 😉
I had plenty of shoes to sell and did quite well when I began. I learned that good photos are key to selling anything, and before long, I had an entire collection of foot photos that I also eventually ended up selling. I had some strange requests, like squishing strawberries between my toes and even sucking my own toes, but I drew the line when someone asked me to step in dog shit with my bare feet.
At some point, I moved to a large city where monthly foot fetish parties were held. There, I met men that would pay me to “model” my feet to them in person, which usually meant them rubbing my feet and sucking my toes. A few wanted “foot jobs”, which is like a hand job but with feet. For me, it was easy work and a way to network safely, because other women could verify whether or not someone was safe to work with alone.
Now that I am back to my old self and single again, I’m getting back into the foot fetish business, setting up some photo shoots, and trying to figure out which of my smelly or worn shoes I want to sell. More to post about this later…
Never in my life would I have thought that I’d try to be a webcam model. I’m a very private person and wouldn’t want to be “found out” by anyone that shouldn’t know what I’m doing. (That’s why you don’t see photos of my face anywhere.)
A few weeks ago an old friend said to me I should try it, that I’d probably make good money. I told him I wouldn’t even know where to begin, because I know nothing about it. Coincidentally, about a week later I met someone that recruits women for it, but he proved to be unreliable. A few days later, I met yet another person whose ex-girlfriend was a cam model. So here I am thinking this is certainly a sign that I should take a serious look into this. He informed me of a site that features women only, and I signed up. It took a few days to be approved (you have to show proof of age, etc.), then I created my profile and tried to figure out how the site works.
I viewed some other webcam models’ pages to see what they were doing to get an idea of what I was getting myself into. Most of them seemed to be young girls, probably college age. How was I going to compete with that, I thought. I did a search for “cougar” to see if anyone my own age came up, and there were less than a handful online. Perfect! This is how I’m going to market myself, because there are plenty of men that prefer women my age. Some of the younger models seemed to be giving it all away for free, so I’m not sure how they make any money doing this. Others sat there talking to people in chat. One woman looked absolutely miserable and just sat there looking like she was ready to cry; I felt sorry for her and wondered wtf she was doing on there to begin with.
Monday afternoon was my first cam show. I spent several hours off and on throughout the day learning how to work the site. I wore a white top with lace on the bottom that was a bit see-through if you looked hard enough. It was long enough to cover my ass, so I could easily lift it to reveal one of my favorite silky black thongs. Apparently, when you first start broadcasting, the site shows you as a new model, so people can easily find anyone on there. My “room” filled quickly with voyeurs and chatters. I had NO idea what I was doing. Some people were very helpful and advising me what not to do. Of course, there were the typical assholes that wanted to see everything for free and others saying some pretty weird shit. I had several pop-up windows with private messages that I didn’t know I shouldn’t answer (it takes attention off of the room chat – and then you lose those people who may be the tippers). You can also view the men if they have a webcam turned on, so some were asking me to watch them on cam while they jerked off, another one wanting me to watch him stick something up his hairy asshole. It was definitely a learning experience.
I made some tips in regular chat, then had the opportunity for “group chat” in which at least 3 members have to agree to go to a group to see a semi-private show. I had one awesome tipper. Within about an hour and a half or so I made $100. That was incentive enough to want to go on again, which I did later that evening. I had a “private show” (one person) that allowed me to go beyond my goal for the day. He was also a very helpful member in showing me the ropes of the site. Some of my friends logged on to let me know I was doing a great job and offered some supportive tips. My night ended successfully, and I beat my original goal.
On Tuesday, I set my goal to be the same as Monday. But it seemed MUCH slower than Monday. (I’ve always hated Tuesdays anyway!) I had to really work at it to make about half of what I had made previously for a lot more hours. I had one young guy that was into older women tipping me to do stripteases to some hair band music. That was actually fun, but a little exhausting. Then I did two group shows. The tips were nowhere near what they were on Monday – and this time I was wearing a black bra and panty set, so less than the day before. Hmmm…???
The next day, I was so sore from dancing and moving in ways my body wasn’t used to. It was difficult to get up from the couch! I spent the day running around gathering new outfits so that I could do some camming in the evening and make up for Tuesday’s unfinished goal. I dressed in a black thong (I have several), a revealing black cover-up top that opened in the front and black stiletto fuck-me boots. logged on and waited a little bit, but no one was coming to my room. Maybe it’s too early, I thought. Maybe it’s a bad day of the week? I waited. And waited. Seriously, wtf is going on? It was nothing like the previous two days. Where the hell was everyone? Monday was definitely the best and most lucrative. How odd is that!
Well… then one of my new friends informed that I was no longer showing up as a “new model.” Huh??I’m on day 3 and I’m no longer new? What’s going on? I emailed support, and surprisingly, I got an immediate reply. Models are only “new” during their first ten hours of broadcasting. What!!! I’d spent about half of those trying to figure out how the site works. As you can imagine, I was extremely disappointed. How are people going to find me now? I have a few friends that could only find me because I’d told them my screen name. Now what? I have goals to pay off some hefty medical bills… so how am I going to do it if no one can find me? Any suggestions?
I kissed a girl once when I was in college, but I wasn’t really into her or that attracted to her. I did it because the opportunity was there and I had known her for some time. The next time I kissed a girl was when I was vacationing in Florida. Now this time, I liked it. She was hot. I thought maybe this would be my first experience of doing something more with a woman, but I guess she liked men better because she left with one.
I’ve had a few different experiences with women. One happened to be during a very unplanned (drunk) threesome a couple of years ago. We had similar bodies and went down on each other. It was my first time going down on a woman. I enjoyed the entire experience except the ending (I’ll write about that later).
I love kissing, whether it’s with a man or a woman. The last woman I kissed is a full-blown women-only lesbian. I’ve wanted to see her again and do more, but we live a distance. Maybe someday.
Remember the old ADIDAS acronym in school? All day I dream about sex. Seriously. I never used to be that way. Perhaps that was because I was so busy working my butt off that I was too exhausted to think about it. I think about sex all the time, probably because I don’t get it nearly enough as I’d like and my hours have been cut to part-time. Now I have time on my hands to not only think about sex but to feel horny as fuck most of the time – even at work.
It seems that when I do actually have sex, it’s like a floodgate opening, and I just crave it more and more. The best way to describe it is I feel like I have a fire inside that needs attention. It’s almost a burning hot horny sensation like nothing I’ve ever felt. If someone simply touched me, it would make me cum. That’s how hot and sensitive I have become since becoming a cougar – just a deep burning passion that cannot be explained in words.
I had no idea I was a cougar until I’d turned 40 and ended a 10-year relationship. It was a difficult time of life with many stressful changes. I went out just to socialize with no intention of “hooking up”. For the first time in years, men were suddenly hitting on me. It was flattering after having not received that type of attention for a while, especially from much younger men. But at the same time, I was telling myself that they were just being nice and weren’t actually trying to pick me up. But I was wrong. Younger men were hitting on me constantly, and I was loving it.
Summer is my favorite time of year, and I am a sun freak. I’ve heard both sides of the coin when it comes to tan lines. I’ve talked to a lot more guys that think they’re sexy than not. So I want to know – what’s your opinion on tan lines?
What a weird weekend! Maybe it’s the full moon or something – but I heard from several different guys I hadn’t heard from in a LONG time. My phone was dinging with text messages with both potential and old hookups, but I simply wasn’t interested in any of them.
One was from a 20-something guy I’d met a few years ago after a night of drinking. I’ll just refer to him as Mr. Bush, because I had to tell him to trim that shit up. We stayed in touch for quite some time, but I hadn’t heard from him since last summer. Never bothered to say hello, how are you, kiss my ass, nothing… but proceeded to send me a random text wanting to hook up – as if I’ve spent the last year of my life waiting for him (**chuckles**). Of course, by now his number is no longer in my phone, so I’m like who’s this? Not only does he tell me, but he also includes – get this – a mostly limp dick pic and his unshaved bush. I happened to be out with my friends, so I shared the pic with them for some great laughs and wtf faces. I told Mr. Bush I wasn’t available, he begged and begged, and I ignored him. Then he actually called me (gasp!), and I could tell he’d been drinking, which is probably the only reason I was hearing from him. I not-so-politely told him to go fuck himself and haven’t heard from him since.
A 30-something guy that I’d met on Tinder two years ago also sent me a text wanting to sext. I will refer to him as Banana Dick, because his dick was long and curved like a banana. Again, I had no idea who it was, because I do not keep numbers for long. Who’s this?
Him: “####, we met on tinder and fucked twice”.
Seriously, this was a few years ago, and I’ve had my fair share of forgotten hookups since. Once I established who he was, I reminded him we only fucked once (he was too controlling and into himself for me to want to do it again). He said we fucked twice the same night. Semantics. He was passing thru my city, thought of me, and got horny. Flattering. He wanted me to send him pics, so I just sent him a pic of my legs. He wanted more, and I wasn’t falling for it. Told me how horny he was thinking about me. Then he BEGGED me to call him so he could hear my voice, because it would make him get off faster. I’m sitting there thinking WTF?!! Where do these guys get off thinking I’m just here and available without any life whatsoever waiting on them for years? Fucking narcissists. I made the excuse that I had to charge my phone. He was so desperate, it made me giggle that I had control of this little bitch.
Another forgotten hookup wasn’t actually forgotten completely. I’d seen him on a dating site a few years ago and discovered he’d never left it. He contacted me begging to hang out again, and then I remembered why I wasn’t interested. Although he had beautiful mesmerizing eyes, his breath was terrible and the sex wasn’t enough to die for. Plus, he lives with his mom. Three strikes. No thanks.
I try to leave Sundays to relax and unwind, but today I am finding myself doing more work than planned. What were my Sunday plans? Well…
I was invited to go boating, but the person stood me up. No call, no show. The no call part is the worst!! I have been stood up numerous times over the years (except by my now ex-husband, which is probably why I married him). It sucks to be stood up. It’s not only disappointing and inconsiderate; it’s a damn waste of my fucking time. So now this person can seriously kiss my ass. Here’s a photo to prove it. 😉
Judging by my photos, you can probably already tell I’m a little bit of an exhibitionist. I walk around nude in my home all the time. Some of my work involves nudity. I frequent nude beaches. It’s a most liberating feeling!