First Time in a Scary Relationship

Yes, he really did write it this way.

Yes, he really did write it this way.

I just discovered a scrapbook I’d made in college that consisted of pictures, letters, stories, and miscellaneous memorabilia of boys I dated or crushed on. Upon reading it, I noticed a pattern in which I ended up in abusive relationships. The last entry has no story added, but the photos and memorabilia pretty much give it away and are a painful reminder of stupid mistakes I’ve made.

I was about 25 years old when I moved to a college town to pursue my professional degree. The very first people I met were my neighbors, a brother and sister that lived directly across the street with their parents. Both were very friendly and helpful, and we quickly became friends. I went against my better judgment when I started seeing Rocky (he was 19) as more than just friends. There was a lot of chemistry, which I still to this day think is rare in relationships. But he also had a good side to him that was cute and loving, or maybe it was just manipulation.

Why I said against my better judgment is this: Rocky was an alpha male, a high school dropout, his mother enabled him to take no responsibility for his own actions, and it turned out he was a drug addict and thief. He was employed, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t have to pay bills since he lived at home. I didn’t know all of this at first, as I was so busy with being a mom, my studies, work, and what social life I could manage to fit in. I was also extremely naïve, had very little romantic relationship experience, and I trusted people that were nice to me.

Long story short, Rocky and I had amazing sex… probably the best I’d had at that point in my life, and he’d taught me things I didn’t know. I don’t remember many details about it now; I just remember what kept me opening my door to him (no pun intended) besides the loneliness of being in a new place and knowing no one. Things got pretty heated in other ways that ended the relationship altogether.

I’m pretty certain that Rocky stole money from me, since he knew where I hid it, as he thought my student loans were “free money,” and I suppose he thought he was also entitled to it. He cheated on me the same night I had a dream about him being with another woman (next day he had a hickey on his neck). He took me out on one actual dinner date to a restaurant that I would never have chosen. Another time we went to a club (I always drove, since he didn’t have a car)… Now for the funny part – I had $20 on me, which in the late 90s was enough for me to have a pretty good time at a club for the entire night. He didn’t have money on him, so he asked to hold my money to buy my drinks so he didn’t look like a fool. Obviously, he was embarrassed, so I gave it to him.

Rocky was a jealous guy and once after being out with a girl friend for the night, he literally got down on his knees and sniffed my crotch like a dog to see if I’d been with another man. Another time, I got fed up with his shit and told him that I did meet someone else (whether or not it was true, I can’t remember) and asked Rocky how he tasted. Rocky went into a rage, punched out my window, threatened to burn my house down and destroy my car. I called the police, he was issued a trespass warning. Stupid, naïve me gave in to him a few weeks or months later. The final straw was when I found out he’d been smoking crack. Yes, crack… with his mother, and he’d borrowed my car to buy it. I was fuming!! On this particular night, he was high and proceeded to choke me until I almost passed out. I knew then that it was the end, he was arrested and the judge ordered him not to come within 500 feet of me for life. In case you’re wondering, the last page of the scrapbook was the actual restraining order.

unnamed-2

The actual scrapbook with his pics, love notes, and restraining order.

Once I graduated college, I moved from the area and never heard from him again. I did some digging years ago, because that’s just what women do, and learned that he’d served some jail time for dealing in stolen property. Some things never change!

Army Guy – Part 3

Yes, I will have a blast selling these panties. ;)

Yes, I will have a blast selling these panties. 😉

Army Guy – Part 1
Army Guy – Part 2

I’m a zero bullshit type of person, which is why I’m easy to get along with. I know what I want, say what I want, and most people appreciate that. Too bad I can’t say the same for other people.

After Army Guy’s little hissy fit over not getting his way, I was like WTF… we’d just had a conversation that neither of us wanted a relationship nor had time for one. We’d only been out ONCE on an actual date at that point and seen each other twice. I didn’t know whether he was taking things out on me that was happening at his house, but I certainly didn’t appreciate it, nor did I deserve it. That type of response will cause me to start building a wall and push me away for good. I felt that he was sabotaging what little was left, so he said he wanted to see me in person to talk about it, since texting can cause confusion.

When he arrived at my place, I was pretty tense from it all. We gave each other a long hug, and he apologized. (This is where I’m putting things together.) Remember earlier when I said his response was “she takes things too personal”? Well, now the story is she’s banging someone else at the house, and he felt disrespected. Okay, understandable, so why did it take him coming over to tell me that? I mean, if we’re being honest with each other here, so why not have this disclosure to begin with?

Army Guy is a charmer, and I couldn’t resist kissing him. But that’s really all I was ready to do. Then he started pawing at me and going a lot farther than I was ready for. I had to tell him to slow down a few times. I could tell he just wanted to fuck me and leave again… which is exactly what happened. Then I was pissed at myself for allowing it.

And then a storm hit – both literally and figuratively – and I was out of power for nearly a week. On a Friday he’d asked how I was doing, and he wanted to see me on Saturday. I thought that “maybe” he’d at least offer to bring me a hot meal, but I never heard from him until five days later. By then I was pretty stressed out dealing with my situation (junk food, no ice, cold showers, no sleep, zero power, feeling gross). I’d had way too much time alone in the dark to think about life and how I wanted to live it and what types of people I want in it, so I blew him off, because I was pissed. I was starting to feel like I was almost dealing with another Big Liar.

Army Guy then claimed he’d been trying to call me for 3 days (LIE!!!) so I sent him a screenshot of my phone calls… showing just one call from him the day prior. Of course, he couldn’t argue with that, so he changed the subject. There were just too many red flags now. Between his nondisclosure of things and selfish pursuits, I felt I was being played. (Oh yeah, and did I mention that while he was giving me a massage once, he started telling me about a married woman that wanted to see him again? Not exactly the greatest timing, dear.) I also remembered that he’d contacted me six months prior to this arrangement, prior to his deployment, wanting to meet up. Putting two and two together again, I realized he had been living with this other woman, because he told me they were living together before he deployed – and when he came back, she’d been fucking her ex.

I sent him a text saying this thing between us isn’t going to work. I had no intentions of seeing him again, because I didn’t want to hear anymore bullshit lies, manipulations, and I certainly wasn’t going to allow him to treat me like I had a revolving door. I expected him to either agree or at least ask me why. Instead, he decided to make it ugly and act like a big fucking baby (BFB) not getting his way. Total turnoff!

The following day I awoke to text messages starting at 7 a.m. He was going ballistic: “thanks for breaking up with me by text like a 16 y/o.” Umm, okay. Then more insults saying I was a shitty lay anyway, blamed me for us not getting together, sarcastically said good luck with the panty business (although when he was getting his way he was FULLY supportive! 😉 ), called me inconsiderate for not telling him in person, blah blah blah. I honestly didn’t think it mattered how I told him, since this wasn’t a relationship to break up anything except a convenient lay for him.

I was in no mood to argue with someone that was acting like a BFB. In fact, while he was bombarding my phone with these shitty messages, I was reading them out loud to the Norwegian guy I’d hooked up with the night before. After the shitty lay comment, the Norwegian told me to tell him that I’m a great lay. So I did, then I blocked Army Guy for good.

I’m sure he’s still reading my blogs hoping for his claim to fame that he fucked a hot MILF/cougar and still probably jerks off thinking about it. Oh yeah, and he’s still following me on Instagram. 😉

The end.

 

 

Bawh-ston – Part 2

(Continued from last post)

Thinking about his hard cock made my nipples hard.

Thinking about his hard cock made my nipples hard.

Since Bawh-ston had drank too much, I drove to my place, leaving his vehicle behind. There was no denying our mutual chemistry. We’d barely made it through the door without ripping each other’s clothes off, leaving a trail of jeans, shirts, boots, and lingerie. He had the softest lips and knew how to use them. (A great kisser always turns me on!) Had I known this before, I wouldn’t have waited so long to seduce him.

He was uncut, which was much more pleasurable for me, and his dick must have measured at least seven inches. I think we surprised each other at how much we really enjoyed one another. I mean, I knew the sex was going to be good, but I wasn’t expecting it to be that good. We spent hours in the bedroom before passing out – hours of fucking, sucking, and licking like porn stars.

Both of us had to be at work the next morning, so between a late night of drinking and amazing sex, we were both pretty exhausted. After dropping him off at his truck at the bar, I wasn’t expecting to hear back from him soon, if at all, figuring he was a player and a hookup. But I was wrong. He texted me that afternoon saying he’d had a good time and wanted to see me the following evening after work. Since this was about a week before the Christmas holiday and my first year living alone, I welcomed the company. We’d also had a cold winter, so having someone over that could help keep me warm was a plus.

We ended up enjoying each other’s company so much that we started seeing each other every day. For anyone that knows me, this is something really big for me. I’m the type of person that likes my space, and most guys annoy me if they hang around for too long or too often. We learned that we’d had a lot in common. I felt like he was the guy that I always wanted when I was in my 20s, but one of us would have broken the other’s heart. Unexpectedly, I didn’t spend Christmas alone. Bawh-ston ended up meeting some of my family (also really big for me), and they also liked him – even my gay cousin thought he was hot ;). But I had already told them I didn’t think this was going to be a permanent thing.

Although I really liked Bawh-ston, there were too many things that were deal breakers. One was the fact that he was 43 years old and didn’t have any motivation to better himself in the workplace. I later found out he didn’t even own a credit card, which would explain a lot. He had never been married, was still paying child support on his adult daughter, and he also had a roommate. He had zero motivation to do much of anything on his own unless I suggested it and showed him around. He had been living in my area for two years and hadn’t been anywhere except a few bars!

And then of course, the drinking. I hadn’t realized how bad the drinking was until he spent the night on a Friday and woke up on Saturday to pop a beer at 10 a.m., even before breakfast was served. I pretty much knew right then that this was going to be a huge issue for me, because my last relationship also had a drinking issue, and I wasn’t about to deal with it again. But like so many of us do, I continued with this relationship while it lasted. Again, I was vulnerable, probably somewhat lonely, and at the time he was a comfort pillow.

To be continued…

Clinger – Skinny Leg Guy – Part 2

Leave me alone while I work.

Leave me alone while I work.

If you haven’t read “Skinny Leg Guy” part 1 from yesterday, it will help you to understand this post better.

Once I dropped Skinny Leg Guy off at the skanky trailer park, I wasn’t sure I’d hear from him again. And I didn’t care. I hadn’t noticed until after he was gone that he’d used FOUR glasses plus a shot glass while he stayed for less than 12 hours. Then I noticed he’d left dust or dirt or something on my bed and on my floor. So between that and him leaving up my toilet seat, drinking vodka at 10 a.m…. I knew I was never inviting him over again. Fucking slob.

I went to my appointment, and while I was sitting there, my phone started blowing up with texts from him. This was on a Thursday afternoon. The messages were friendly, but bothersome, because I was trying to relax and get my monthly manicure and pedicure. Can’t exactly type when your hands are being occupied. By 6 o’clock that evening, he was trying to worm his way to come back to my house. I told him I had work to do and “maybe tomorrow” just to shut him up.

annoying texts

 

The texts continued. He was drinking with his cousin or uncle or someone and apparently was bored and sending stupid random shit. Again, I told him, “I haven’t been able to get any work done, because I keep getting text messages”. Now I was really annoyed. I texted him back at some point letting him know what a freaking mess he left at my place.

The following day, he texted me in the evening, and I told him I was busy working. I guess I answered him at some point at a very late hour, not realizing how late, because I’d been up working all night. I guess he got the message on Saturday morning, because his messages started up at 8 a.m., and before noon, he was “heading out to drink” with his cousin again. Lots of red flags here on the drinking.

He wanted to know when I was free again, I told him I had plans with my girlfriends and I was about to leave town in a couple of days. His messages continued throughout the day, I made more excuses, because I didn’t want him showing up at my house unexpectedly. At that point, I just had to ignore him.

blow me

annoying text

The last time he messaged me was at 4 a.m. And then I didn’t hear from him for a month. An entire month! And then I get this message… at wee morning hours again.

booty call text

I’m not answering him.

Clinger – Skinny Leg Guy – Part 1

Lying there wishing he'd go away.

Lying there wishing he’d go away.

When it comes to dating, it seems to be one extreme or the other – either I never hear from them or they’re clingers that won’t go away.

The most recent clinger I met while playing a game one evening. I know I’d seen him around but had never had a conversation with him until that night. He was 35, had just moved from New York to take care of his sick mother (which meant he lived with her). That should have been Red Flag #1. Totally not my type at all (do I even have a type?), but for whatever reason, I felt like making out with him by the end of the night.

We went back to my place and talked for a while. It was then that I noticed he had one skinny leg. I can’t remember what had happened to him exactly, but he had almost lost his leg at some point. I pretended not to notice. We made out all night. No sex, which was fine with me, because he also had a skinny dick. He was a really great kisser and really good at eating out and spanking me. We played with my toys and had a pretty good time. He was the type that I know is a bad boy, but not too bad.

It’s always the next morning when things come into focus. I hated the way Skinny Leg Guy dressed, like he was ghetto or something with the saggy shorts and tilted hat. Much too old to be acting that way. And it turned out he was a chain smoker – so bad that he’d stop in the middle of making out to smoke a fucking cigarette. I don’t like anyone at my house to be going in and out, because I live next door to my landlords, and I try to keep my business under wraps. I told him he’s not wearing his shorts and hat all ghetto if he steps outside my house. My rules. Haha!

I realized I had to drop him off somewhere, because Skinny Leg Guy had no transportation with him. (Come to find out, he doesn’t have ANY transportation!) So he hung around my place until like 2 in the afternoon when I said I had to be somewhere. In the meantime, he was driving me nuts going in and out of the house to smoke. I had a bottle of vodka on top of the refrigerator and he decided to take a shot or two. Mind you, this is at like 10 o’clock in the morning. Red flag! While he was outside smoking yet again, I took the opportunity to use the bathroom (he’d left the toilet seat up). He wasn’t out long, then came in and walked right through the bathroom while I was sitting on the toilet! I was like WTF! No respect for my privacy is not going to cut it with me, and I couldn’t wait to get him out! But before we left, I had to remind him to throw away his nasty ass cigarette butts he’d left on my porch. UGH.

Finally, I had to leave to go to my appointment. He had me drop him off at his cousin’s house, because it was closer than his mom’s. The place I took him to was a complete dumpy ass trailer park that was one of those really shady places with probably has at least one meth lab per block. He swore he didn’t live there, that his cousin did, so he must have been embarrassed by what a shithole it was. I dipped out of there as fast as I could, praying no one I know saw me, because anyone that knows me knows I wouldn’t be caught dead in a place like that.

But it didn’t end there with Skinny Leg Guy. Part 2 tomorrow…