Panties & Vids for Sale

It’s been quite some time since I posted on here, and lots of things have happened since. Work has been sporadic until I begin a new job in two weeks. In the meantime, I just listed a bunch of video and panty auctions on ebanned.

 

If you’re having trouble viewing the auctions, it’s probably because you have to be logged in in order to see them. Here’s the list just in case:

 

Other Random Bad Dates

These shoes were not made to run from jerks.

These shoes were not made to run from jerks.

As I’m reading through my scrapbook, some of these I remember and laugh at. But some I barely remember or not at all. For example, this one I honestly do not remember whatsoever:

This was supposed to be a weekend getaway, but it turned out that I couldn’t get away fast enough. Probably in my early 20s, I was invited to spend the weekend in another town. There was no chivalry whatsoever. He would walk at least 3 to 5 steps in front of me, sat down at the dinner table before me, didn’t bother to open car doors, asked me for money, “joked” by saying annoying, sarcastic, demeaning things, and would put his hands on me in public to show that I was with him. On top of it all, I ended up paying for dinner! Apparently, I never saw this person again.

Meat Packer:
He never became an actual date, but I saw him at least weekly. This guy worked at my local grocery store’s meat department. He’d been flirting with me on several occassions, always making conversations, etc., but he never asked me out. So I finally got the nerve to ask him out instead. His response: “I don’t think my girlfriend would like that very much.” I was pissed and embarrassed, so I started shopping at a different store.

Stinky Pillow Guy:
Back before Tinder and Match and other dating sites, people sometimes met on Yahoo Personals. I was in my mid to late 20s when I met a guy that lived about an hour or so away. He was very polite and very sweet, even in person. We got to know each other for a few weeks online and by phone, and when I met him, I liked him. Since he lived far and I didn’t want anyone at my house, I made plans to stay the night at his house – on the couch. Our date consisted of me giggling at the fact he didn’t have many table manners, but it wasn’t because he was rude; he was just inexperienced. We went to a sushi restaurant where he proceeded to wipe his face with the o-shibori that was presented to us at dinner. Then I watched him butcher sushi rolls, because he’d never eaten it before. We then rented movies that he talked through the entire time. Finally, I prepared to sleep on his old pullout couch with an awful bar in the center that killed my back. Then he gave me a nice moldy pillow for my head, and I immediately suffered an allergy attack. I guess he assumed he was going to sleep with me and took it upon himself to jump in next to me and put his measley hands all over me before he started snoring loudly. I managed to ease my way out and left in the middle of the night and never turned back.

More Amusing Text Messages to a MILF Cougar

Just say no to annoying texts.

Just say no to annoying texts.

There seems to be a never-ending supply of this material! From the last post on this topic, this is the same guy that’s always asking “How’s your day?” or “How was your weekend?” over and over and over. This time he texted “Happy New Year” and I answered back the same. I have learned to avoid answering questions like these, because he wants to hear ALL of my sex stories (apparently via text as opposed to my blog), then he proceeds to ask me 150 questions (which are also repetitive). I’ve actually gone off on him before telling him that he asks the same f%^*ing questions over and over, that it gets old, and why is he so interested in my sex life? I know for a fact he gets off on these stories, but I’m not going to sit and text about it for hours when I have a blog that he can read to get his jollies off.

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Then there’s this guy. I named him this in my phone, because I couldn’t for the life of me ever remember his name, even though it’s fairly common. I suppose it’s just because I have no interest in dating him. We did hang out one evening, but there was no sex involved. He had horrible breath and I wasn’t into him at all. I guess he’s to be admired for his tenacity, but begging just makes him look super pathetic.

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And now he’s begging.

 

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Just Some Holiday Stuff…

I want meaningful gifts.

I want meaningful gifts.

I’m not a big fan of the holidays, and I never have been (unless you count Halloween). I suppose it stems from my later childhood years, because things were always really stressful in my home. I’m also not a fan of spending a shit ton of money on a bunch of stupid crap that will eventually be broken or thrown away or outdated in a year. Not only is it a waste of money, it’s meaningless. I prefer to have experiences that give me wonderful memories, and I make my own meaningful gifts to give.

Except during the years I was married, I have spent a lot of holidays alone and/or single. Today I was reading through old emails and realized that I wasn’t alone two years ago at Christmas, because I had just started seeing Bawh-ston, and he kind of hung around even though I was trying to spend some time with family. I didn’t mind, because I liked him at the time, but he had pretty much invited himself. Last Christmas I was single, so a single girl friend of mine and I decided to take a short trip and drink cocktails… and we had a blast.

New Year’s Eve is a different story. I have spent the last three alone. I think last year I didn’t even bother staying up; I just said f*ck it and went to sleep early. The year before that I was still seeing Bawh-ston, but I’d bought myself a concert ticket and went by myself, because he couldn’t afford to go. And the year before that, I was newly single but driving back from a trip from out of town and (gladly) came back to an empty house.

This year? For Christmas, I spent time with family and my new cub (will blog about him later). I have no idea what this weekend will bring me. I haven’t made plans, and I really don’t care to spend money on going anywhere. Plus, I am not a fan of crowds. I would prefer to hang out with my cub somewhere in nature, have a few drinks, and ring in the New Year quietly. But we will see about that.

Amusing Text Messages to a Cougar MILF

Amusing myself with unmatched panties.

Amusing myself with unmatched panties.

I have to turn my ringer off at night, because sometimes I get these random messages at times when no one should be contacting me unless it’s an emergency.

This one, for example, came from a guy from out of town that I met about four years ago right after my breakup. It was probably the worst sex of my life. He was 33 and had no idea what he was doing in bed. I never saw him again, although he did text me once in a while. But this was the last text I ever received, and we hadn’t communicated in some time, so this was clearly out of nowhere. I think he got the hint.

Clueless

Clueless

This comes from a friend that I have hooked up with once or twice. He has some pretty interesting stories and fantasies that we discuss. He may or may not be reading my blog material… 😉 But he sends the same messages asking the same damn questions, and I don’t have time to text all day long, because that’s how it ends up when I do answer him.

New material, please.

New material, please.

I like to f*ck with wrong numbers. This one amused the hell out of me but apparently not them. I was hoping to keep the conversation going. 😉

LOL

Maybe Lexi isn’t sexy.

Dating is (Mostly) Dead

My eyes are north.

My eyes are north.

I can probably count on one hand the number of “actual” dates I’ve been on in the last three years. (Hanging out at my place doesn’t count.) When my relationship ended, I resorted to PoF to see what was out there. I found it more to be plenty of sharks, plenty of liars, and plenty of needy leeches. And definitely plenty of assholes!

After being in a relationship for a long period of time and also being over the age of 35, it’s easy to forget what it’s like to date or to be single. Besides the lack of available AND quality people my own age, I had found myself to be very vulnerable and completely inexperienced… a virgin, if you will. (Not quite a virgin, but you get the picture.) I quickly remembered how shitty being single can be be when it comes to the world of dating… how being vulnerable can lead to stupid and hasty decisions all in the name of wanting to be loved or just cuddled.

The two dates I went on this year went pretty well. One was cocktails and dinner with a friend (we hooked up in the past but not anymore). He’s one of those people that I can have fun with no matter what without any hard feelings later. Another was with a man about 10 years older that I saw maybe a handful of times. We had dinner and went to a brewery afterwards. But he’s a blog post I’ll write another time.

It’s very rare that I get asked on an actual date, but when I do, it’s usually someone I do not want to date. This past Friday was exceptional, because I had three date offers. So what did I do? I chose to stay at home by myself, watch sappy movies and go to bed early.

Three date offers for me (especially in one night) is unheard of. First, I’ve had this guy I met a while back and sometimes run into (we hung out once, no sex or making out) begging me to do something with him. He’s nice, but something isn’t right about him… like maybe too rough around the edges. Plus, he had horrible breath last time we hung out. I’m looking for someone a little more polished.

Another offer came from a young and talented hottie, but there is definitely something off about him. It has nothing to do with his criminal history (*chuckles*), but he says some off-the-wall shit that makes me question his sanity. Keeping a safe distance from this guy. I need someone with a lot more maturity than what he has to offer.

And last, but not least, someone that I really like as a friend and only a friend keeps asking me to do things. It probably didn’t help that I “accidentally” made out with him after a few beers during a really vulnerable time a couple of weeks ago, even though I have zero physical attraction to him. I’m afraid he’s hoping for more than friendship, so I’m keeping a safe distance from him as well.

If I could take all of the qualities I like in all three of these guys and put them into one, there might be an actual date. While I would absolutely love to meet someone that can accept me for who I am and vice versa, I’m not holding my breath. I know my chances and choices are slim. I don’t want to waste my time going on empty dates with men that I know will lead to nowhere. After being single for three years, I realize that I may have to accept being single for the rest of my life, because I’m certainly not going to settle for anything less than what I want or deserve.

And then there are those Sugar Daddy sites…

No sugar daddy at the Comfort Inn. ;)

No sugar daddy at the Comfort Inn. 😉

I’ve always been attracted to younger men and generally don’t date anyone more than about 4 years older than me. My entire adult life I’ve been told I need to be with an older man, because of the maturity level. But let me tell you – I have not seen much of a difference in maturity when it comes to age.

I’ve tried a spectrum dating sites over time – ranging from the typical PoF and Match and Tinder to Cougar dating. I thought I’d try out a sugar daddy site to see if I get any different results from men that supposedly have money (as opposed to half of the ones I meet that are unemployed), to see if I get treated better. I have to say that anyone that I was physically attracted to was looking for much younger women/girls 18-21. There were very few attractive men on there to begin with, and many were married just looking for a fling.

The first “gentlemen” I agreed to meet for lunch claimed he was in his early 50s (looked older) and lived about two hours away.  This was right when my job started cutting my hours, so I had some time to meet during the week. (Let me add right here that when I first meet anyone, I dress in appropriate office attire, so no one gets the wrong idea.) Of course he looked better in his photos, but I was trying to figure out if we would click. We met at a sushi place, sat in the back corner so we could speak. The place was super quiet, which made it awkward to have a conversation without everyone hearing us. First, we talked about what we did for a living and basic life things. (Oh… and he’s married, but she’s not interested in sex and hasn’t been in a long time.) I watched him eat his sushi with a fork, tried to teach him how to use chopsticks… it was a disaster… which made me think he’s not very refined for a man his age, but it gave me something to talk about.

As we finished up, the place started clearing out, but the two women sitting behind us were barely whispering, which made me think they were listening to us. Then he got on his phone and started googling something… his entire face changed from normal to lustful creepy… said something like, “So how do you want to do this? Want to get a room at the Comfort Inn down the street and see if we click? I know you could use the money.” He’d been googling hotels in the area. (Let me add right here that the area is not a place I would ever get a cheap hotel, no matter the occasion.) He wanted to leave right away.

I was taken aback, because this wasn’t the “arrangement” I was seeking. In fact, I had clearly stated in my profile what I was looking for, yet I was open-minded at the same time – and I certainly wasn’t asking to get paid to have sex with a stranger. Speechless, he could tell that I was uncomfortable by his surprising offer (not to mention that a place like the Comfort Inn would be a place to sleep when I was in college, but certainly not a place to take a woman if you’re trying to woo her.) Plus, I had clearly stated I’m not an escort, so at the same time I was slightly offended but it hadn’t completely sunken in yet. It was like the initial shock you feel getting unexpectedly slapped in the face.

I politely told him I’d have to think about it, since we just met, and it was a good excuse to get the hell out of there. Once I left and had time to absorb what had just happened, I was disgusted. I mean, how does a man claiming he didn’t want a “pro” or an escort meet someone like me and offer the same exact thing he claims he’s not looking for?

I had about an hour drive home to think about it all, sent him an email saying thanks but no thanks, and I let him know that his offer was offensive and cheap. He apologized, because that wasn’t his intention. We didn’t contact each other again. About a year later, I went back on the site and he was still on there without any changes to his profile. Some men just never learn, no matter the age.

After meeting two other men on that site, I deleted my profile. To be continued…

College Cub from a Cougar Dating Site

Fullbacks

Mrs. Robinson panties

I met a 24-year-old College Cub a few years ago on a cougar dating site. His pictures were really cute – blond hair, blue eyes, average build. He seemed like he could hold a decent, educated conversation, which is important to me. He lived about an hour and a half away, and we only hung out twice, mostly because he was unreliable or wanted to show up at my place at midnight and stay the night when I had to work the next day.

Upon the first actual meeting, College Cub showed up with alcohol, which is more than what I’m used to. He was wearing sweatpants and a tshirt and looked a little sloppy, and he was much shorter than he alluded in his profile. We made drinks and sat on the infamous cougar couch to chat and get to know each other. He would be graduating college that year, and he worked in sales. He was definitely easy to talk to, and we seemed to enjoy each other’s company. A few hours later, we were all over each other… but he was definitely inexperienced and anxious.

I don’t mind giving a few directions, but College Cub had no idea what he was doing. I had to teach him everything… even to slow down when he kissed me, because he must have thought he was in a race. He didn’t know what to do with his fingers, so I gently showed him how to rub my special places and how to properly insert a finger without jabbing me like a cattle prod. He didn’t know how to use his mouth when he went down on my either, so I had to instruct him there as well. It was truly work and not that much fun for me.

College Cub’s dick was a little on the small side, which made it even more work for me in that department. A little short, and not thick, which meant riding him was going to take some extra skills. Finally, it was late, and he finished quickly.

We saw each other once more after that, and he remembered a lot of what I taught him, which was nicer than giving instructions while I was trying to get off. Once every so often, I’d hear from College Cub, and I’d spy on his Facebook page to see whether or not he was in a relationship and trying to pull one over on me – and he was. He was begging me to have him over, and I’d moved about 45 minutes from where I’d lived when I saw him prior, but he didn’t care. I told him I wasn’t interested, but he didn’t take that as an answer. Then I simply said I didn’t want to see him and to stay with his girlfriend. Still, he thought something was wrong with me. So… I ghosted him. But he kept up a conversation all by himself just fine for the next three days.

Talking to himself

Talking to himself

Work vs Private Life as a Cam Girl

My boobs are real during private and work hours.

My boobs are real during private and work hours.

Writing this blog has been therapeutic. It’s allowing me to remind myself of the mistakes of my past and the patterns that keep emerging. It also reminds me the importance of keeping the balance between my work and personal endeavors, which are often combined.

One of the things that I deal with on a daily basis is men that I personally know asking me tons of personal questions and expecting me to send them photos and/or vids for free, taking both private and work time away from my activities. When I’m in the mood, I might give in, but for them to expect it kind of pisses me off. I am charging strange men for the same thing, so what makes these guys think they’re so special? This is one of the things I am changing about myself… limiting my time with freeloaders that won’t even offer to take me out on a real date. Not only is it another reminder of how selfish people can be, it also turns me off. And working in this field, I need to be turned on as much as possible. 🙂

Since I work from home, my private and work life are also intertwined here. I live in a place about the size of a shoebox, which worked fine when I was working out of the home. But now I’m feeling the squeeze with very little space to conduct shows, store items that are auctioned off, and my “office space” creating a mess in my living room. Between the lighting I use for camming and the desk area full of paperwork, I don’t exactly like inviting people over, because it just seems too crowded and messy now, and I don’t always have time to break down everything and hide it. So I’m considering a move within the next six months to a year, depending on how my financial situation works out with this gig.

And here’s another dilemma: telling people what I actually do for a living. The other job that cut my hours hasn’t needed me at all for the last two months. (This was no surprise, which is why I started working in the adult industry – cannot rely on employers anymore!) I’ve always managed to do multiple jobs anyway, so I come up with things to tell people – photo editing and writing projects (which is all true), and I leave it at that.

My family knows nothing about this, and I don’t feel I need to tell them a thing until I start making a really decent, steady income. A handful of my guy friends know, some of which have been helpful. Other than that, I’ve only been able to tell one of my female friends. I’m pretty sure the rest would feel differently about me and look down upon me for promoting “porn” – which is something most of them have complained about with their husbands. So I can’t exactly say ummm yeah, I’m doing something that you absolutely hate your husband looking at. I do feel that at some point, I’m going to be discovered either by someone that knows and feels the need to out me or perhaps recognizes me. I’m not sure I’m ready for that to happen yet, but when it does, I’m going to use it to my advantage.

Army Guy – Part 2

I loved him between my legs.

I loved him between my legs.

Army Guy – Part 1

On the date with Army Guy, I informed him of my blog and camming, which are completely divergent from my former career. He seemed really cool with it, supportive, perhaps wanted to participate. (Later on, he did participate in cam chat, making lots of viewers jealous. It was a huge turn-on!)

Anyway… back to the date. I was hot, horny, and ready to fuck. We eventually made our way back to my house, starting on the couch with a nightcap and a really heavy make-out session that didn’t take long to move onto the bed.

Army Guy went down on me, and I realized he’d had some practice since I’d seen him last. He was definitely better than before, although still needed some fine tuning, because he seemed a little too aggressive/excited. His fingers were a little rough, and I had to keep reminding him to slow down. Also, at times something about the angle of his tongue literally rubbed me the wrong way. (I’m sure that women reading this can somehow relate.) But I did manage to teach him how to make me cum. And oh my god… he had two fingers inside of me thumping while he was eating my pussy like he hadn’t eaten dinner earlier. I came hard, but I was ready to fuck, because his cock turned me on.

Army Guy had the perfect fucking cock. His dick was probably a good six inches AND thick. I really, really liked sucking him off. I got so horny doing it that I would almost cum, but we both wanted to fuck – and fuck HARD. My perfect position with him was straddling him while I rode him on top, my clit rubbing all over his shaft, then leaning down toward him and shoving my tits in his mouth and rubbing my clit on the area above his dick, his dick shoved all the way inside of me. Apparently, we both liked it a little rough in that department. (To be honest, just writing this is making me wet as hell!) I have some pretty good Kegel skills, so just by doing certain positions and tightening, we managed to both cum at the same time. He started sending me text messages saying how great the sex was and how he jerked off thinking about it, how horny he was and how he couldn’t wait to fuck me again. (Remember those words.)

I saw Army Guy two more times after that night. I honestly believe he didn’t just come to “see me”, because he wasn’t around for long: we had sex, and he’d leave. The first time, I just figured it was timing. I had already told him I didn’t want a “wham, bam, thank you ma’am” situation, and we both agreed we didn’t want an actual relationship. He expressed that he wanted to take me out on his bike and do actual dates. (I honestly don’t expect anyone in his 20s to want a relationship at all, much less with a woman probably closer to his mother’s age.) However, I do expect to be respected and not lied to. After all, I’m offering him my company and time, and allowing him in my home. (Plus, it wasn’t like he was the only guy trying to hang out with me, so I did have some other choices if I felt the need. I didn’t.)

Then things just got weird. Weird as in – for whatever reason (intuition), I felt the need to ask if he lived alone. (I don’t know why I never asked, but I did ask why he’d moved 45 minutes away from the last place he lived – and his answer was it was a better quality place. Okay, whatever, sounded plausible I guess.) He informed me that he did have a roommate. Again, I “felt” the need to ask if this was a girlfriend. His answer: “No, but she’s someone I used to sleep with.”

Okay, now things were starting to get into perspective. The more questions I asked at different times, the more I started noticing different answers or avoidance. Total bullshit. With the newfound information that Army Guy was still living with his ex, I started putting up my guard. I was tired of being the rebound girl and told him so. He stated that he and his ex had been over for a few months, but he was just trying to find another place to live. Okay, I’ve been through that myself, so I get it.

Then something happened with a text “miscommunication” that I’m unsure was an actual miscommunication at all. Apparently, he was angry at his live-in ex over something, and the answer he’d given me was “she takes things too personal.” Okay, no further details. Told him I was doing some blog writing, he says he’s excited about reading it until he asked me if it was about him. No, however, the beginning almost sounds like him (Tattooed Cub), but the physical description is different.

Unexpectedly, Army Guy gets pissy, and text messages go from zero to nearly psycho in two seconds saying, “Yeah I’m fat, he’s not? Terrific”. I’m like WTF… I never said anything to imply that. All I said was Tattooed Cub is heavily tatted, shorter in height, and bearded.

So he sends: “My night just did a fucking nose dive so I’m gonna go before I lose it,” and his messages didn’t get much better than that.

I had no idea what he was talking about. I said what do you mean? What happened? I thought something happened at his house. So how is this my fault?

His response: “Comes a time when it would be nice to see you write about the guy you are actually with and not all the ex hookups. Just food for thought.”

Really? Suddenly, I got the feeling that he was only in this for his own personal selfish gratification. Being in this career field, I can’t have anyone acting jealous (prior to this he claimed he doesn’t get jealous – another lie) and ruining my chi. It just can’t happen. Besides, I thought, I have been single 15 of my adult years, so he can back the fuck off and wait his turn for me blogging about him. I hope he’s reading this now.

To Be Continued…

Army Guy – Part 1

Should have ran with these...

Should have ran with these…

A few years ago I met a really cute blue-eyed (yes another with blue eyes!) guy at a beer joint near my house. He seemed well spoken, intelligent, and mature for his ripe young age of 25. He’d served in the army, had just gone through a divorce, and was going to college. He told me about his time in the war in Afghanistan and had PTSD as a result of it.

We saw each other maybe a handful of times, always having sex, of course. It was okay, but once it got a little scary, because he thought that I liked to be choked while having sex (I don’t). At some point he had this really deranged look in his eyes, and I wasn’t sure if he was having a flashback or what the hell was going on. So I stayed away from him… for a while.

He contacted me a few months later and ended up staying the night after telling me he had tried working things out with an ex, which is why I hadn’t heard from him. (Go figure.) He had school the next day, I had work, but I couldn’t wait to get him out of my house. When I woke up with him there, I’d wished I had never allowed him over. I had started remembering that he was quick-tempered, and knowing he might have been mentally unstable, I knew I didn’t want to see him again. As I watched him leave, I told myself never again, and thought for a minute he looked sad and pathetic like Shrek trodding down my driveway.

I didn’t hear from him again for over a year, saying he was going to be deploying again soon, but at the time I was going on a date with someone else and not interested in Army Guy. Six months later, I get a text from him saying he’s back in town. I should have gone with my last memory of him leaving my driveway that one memorable morning, but gave him the benefit of the doubt, especially when he told me he was in a different state of mind than when I’d seen him last.

He asked me out on an actual date, so I said sure, why not? Army Guy picked me up on his motorcycle, and we had a really amazing time. I’d forgotten what it was like to be on an actual date with real, stimulating conversation. Plus, his eyes were mesmerizing, and I was really attracted to him much more so than I was the first time I met him. His kisses made me wet, and I knew we’d be fucking by the end of the night.

To be continued…

Taking Care of My Own Needs

If they don't like it, they can hit the road.

If they don’t like it, they can hit the road.

I read an interview today about Jennifer Lopez’s autobiography titled True Love, in which she talks about her failed relationships and marriages. Her disappointment came from giving too much of herself, giving into her partner’s wants and needs, instead of going for what she wanted and needed. I find myself falling into that situation time and time again.

This vicious cycle of giving instead of listening to my own needs probably stems from the way I grew up. I watched mothers around me give to men for years, even at times putting them before their children, because they feel their value somehow lies with making the man happy instead of themselves. Putting everyone first and neglecting my own needs was something I became conditioned to do, and it’s a really tough cycle to break if you’ve been doing it your entire life.

Looking back at past relationships, even if I didn’t want to have sex, I would do it anyway just to make the man happy. This type of behavior always causes resentment and misery, and it often results in the lack of sexual desire. Believe it or not, for a long time I didn’t want sex. In fact, I avoided it, because I viewed it as a boring chore rather than something pleasurable. It was because I kept giving into my partner’s needs and wants (not just sexually) rather than taking care of my own.

Even now, I find myself (and my friends remind me) that I give too much of myself too quickly, and I’m too trusting at first. I guess I just tend to like people more than they deserve. So after spending nearly a week without power from the storm, I have a different perspective of things… I’m putting me first, and anyone that can’t handle it can hit the road.

Tattooed Cub – Part 2

I loved when he buried his face here.

I loved when he buried his face here.

Tattooed Cub – Part 1

Tattooed Cub was the first (and only) cub of my time to seriously hang out with me. We never went on any actual “dates”, and I always hosted, but it was nice to have someone to have a meal with, watch a movie with, or (of course) make out with. We lasted off and on for a few months, but he seemed really unreliable, which ruined it. He worked a lot, which was great, but every time he’d make plans, he’d either have to cancel, or he’d be so late I was ready to go to sleep. A few times his excuse was that he’d fallen asleep. I began to wonder if it was more than just work keeping him busy. It got to the point that I had to tell him I was no longer going to make plans with him if he was going to stand me up. That was pretty much the end of that.

Every few months, Tattooed Cub sends me a text asking how I am and telling me how much I turn him on. But… BUT!!! I noticed he was obviously dating someone, then blowing me off, then coming back to me. That doesn’t exactly work for me. He has a girlfriend now, and although I’d love to hang out with him, I’m not going to be “that woman” shagging taken men on the side. But I still do get wet thinking about the fun we had while it lasted. 😉

 

 

Tattooed Cub – Pt. 1

I straddled him on my cougar couch.

I straddled him on my cougar couch.

Is there such a thing as a tattoo fetish? Because tattooed men really fucking turn me on. Big time!

A few years ago when I was newly single, I got onto Tinder and started swiping mostly to the left. One of the few right swipes included a cutie that was heavily tattooed, had a motorcycle (woo hoo!), and seemed like he had his shit together for his age. He was 26, a war veteran, and had just gone through a divorce. He also had one of those long beards that I wasn’t too fond of at the time, but I quickly got over that.

We communicated for a bit and decided to meet. When Tattooed Cub showed up, I wasn’t expecting him to be just about the same height as me, but I blew that off, because he had sweet blue eyes, and he was in pretty good shape. And those tattoos were making me wet!

We had a few drinks and ended up on my infamous make-out cougar couch, kissing passionately. I think he was a bit nervous, so I took the lead with my cat-like reflexes, pawing at his chest and pulling off his shirt. Da-damn! More tats! I was about to cum in my silky black thong just looking at them. I knew I loved tatted men, but I hadn’t realized how much tattoos turned me on like this. I wanted to maul him.

Wearing a skirt, I straddled him on the couch and grinded my hips against him. He unbuttoned my shirt and started feeling my tits, taking off my bra, sucking on my nipples. I pressed them into his face, his beard softly tickling me. I continued grinding on him harder, feeling his hard dick throbbing in his jeans.

We were getting sweaty, and the small couch wasn’t going to work for what was about to come (no pun intended), so I decided it was time to relocate into my air-conditioned bedroom. Tattooed Cub lifted my skirt and pulled off my thong. His soft beard tickled as he kissed up my legs and between my thighs, which actually felt nice. His tongue made its way to my wet pussy, circling around my clit, teasing me and sucking me. I was so turned on by him and his tattoos… I just wanted him inside of me.

Reaching down, I unzipped his jeans and pulled out his dick. It was a nice average length and girth, so I knew it could pleasure me without hurting me. I stuck his dick in my mouth and deep-throated for a few minutes. Knowing he was about to cum, I stopped and got on top of him like I was a cougar attacking her prey. I held his hands down and fucked him fast and hard. It only took a few minutes before we both came at the same time. All the while, I was staring at his tattoos, because they made me cum harder.

Tattooed Cub and I lay in my bed for a while sweaty and satisfied. I knew he wanted to leave, which was fine with me, because we both had to be up early the following day. It wouldn’t be our last time together… and I decided it was time for me to get more of my own tattoos.

Being the Rebound Girl

I told him to kiss my ass.

I told him to kiss my ass.

For whatever reason, I tend to attract guys that are newly single or somewhat undecided about their single status. It didn’t matter much when I first became single, but it’s been a good three years now, so obviously I’m in a different frame of mind. Now whenever I meet someone I make it a point to ask when their last relationship was… and then I move on, because 99% of the time, it’s within the past few months.

Last year I dated someone off and on for several months that I’d gone to high school with but had never known. I say off and on, because neither of us wanted a relationship, he had nothing to offer me as a man, and he consistently pissed me off. I started out doing work for him as a barter, but was never paid in full. He basically worked very little, drank a lot, had no driver’s license, and 4 kids that I later learned hated him. Yes, he was a loser, but I can also be an idiot.

The whole thing was more of a convenience, since he lived down the street (literally down the street – I can see his driveway from mine). I also did some manual labor work for him for which he ended up paying me well (he’s lazy, so I could do twice the amount of work as he), and I was also his driver (he paid me) since he couldn’t drive. So that part seemed like a win/win for us both.

We did have a lot of fun together, however, at first. We went boating a lot, which is one of my favorite things to do… and had a lot of great oral sex. He is probably one of the best at oral that I’ve ever been with. There were times that he’d make me cum four or five times in one session. Oral and kissing were the only things he was good at, because he either always had whiskey dick or came in 30 seconds… and I really needed penetration. While I enjoy oral and kissing, I need a good hard fucking often.

I eventually realized he was probably the biggest liar I’d ever met (so I will refer to him as “Big Liar” from now on). Even though we weren’t in a “relationship” it seemed we had a mutual understanding to not sleep around with other people while we were together. Honesty was not his policy whatsoever; he was sneaky, and the more I learned, the more I began to distance myself. One evening I was bitching to my bartender friend about him. Another woman was sitting next to me and started asking details…

Does he live here and do this for a living? Yes and yes. His name is Big Liar? Yes.

She looked at me and was really nice about it and said that she was also going through a divorce and had briefly started seeing him. I thought how and when, because I live down the street and would have noticed another vehicle. When she told me the dates, that’s when I figured out it was when I was out of town visiting my family. She showed me text messages he’d sent her in those recent weeks while he was still with me – he was trying to hook up, but she was no longer interested. I was fuming, but not at her. I thanked her for telling me everything, and we’ve been friends ever since. (Of course, that really bit him in the ass! 😀 )

I ended up leaving and driving straight to his house to tell him what a piece of shit liar he was. He acted like he didn’t care one single ounce about my feelings. I left angry and in tears, hurt and confused.

But the shitty part was – I was still doing work for him and needed the money badly, so I had to continue dealing with him.

To be continued…

 

The Forbidden – Part 1

Lick me

Lick me

Someone I have always longed for, someone forbidden… and you finally came to me with wet lips on mine, hand in my hair, hand down my spine, hand slowly sliding to my ass…

Turning me over and gliding your lips up and down my spine, kissing my tattoos like no one else has done before, causing chills of ecstasy… My nipples harden, you reach your head around and grab one of them in your mouth… I feel your soft hair against the back of my arm… My back arches, pressing myself against your hardening cock.

You flip me back around, kissing my nipples, working your way down my belly… Your tongue on my clit, circling and whirring me into a bliss. I ache for you to be inside of me. I want to moan in my normal tone, but not so that anyone but us can hear.

I am amazed that this is happening. So wrong, yet feels so right.

So forbidden.

Bawh-ston – Part 3

Wishing I was on the back of a Harley...

Wishing I was on the back of a Harley…

Bawh-ston Part 1

Bawh-ston Part 2

Bawh-ston and I ended up dating for less than three months. During those months, he was spending the night at my place probably five times a week. He had been living with a roommate and when the lease was up he moved in with his cousin, supposedly looking for his own place.

I cooked dinner for us (I paid for groceries) most nights, sometimes breakfast on the weekends. And I’m not talking hamburger helper here. If you’ve seen me on cam in the kitchen, I cook up some pretty good stuff that’s not cheap. Once a week he would get takeout, usually Chinese or sushi. He took me on an actual date once during the entire time we dated to a sushi place and then his favorite bar (where we were introduced). He was the first guy I went out with in public since my separation/divorce, which had been about a year prior, so that was big for me. I managed to get him to help me do some things around the house, like mow the lawn (once) and “fix” things my slumlord didn’t do. One of the last things I got him to do was help me move into my new place.

Around the end of month two, Bawh-ston and I went to a concert. Since the tickets had to be purchased together online and I was the only one with a credit card, he said he’d pay me back in cash, buy dinner that evening and drive. Tickets were $160 each. He gave me $100 and promised to give me the rest next payday. I ended up making us steak dinner, driving, paying for parking, and buying my own $10 beer. He acted like a fucking douche the entire night, walking ahead of me and ignoring me and being pissy. I suppose it was because he had spent all of his money on beer and pot instead of being a man and doing what he promised. Either way, the entire thing really pissed me off, because not only did he screw me on promises, he was treating me like shit on top of it – and I knew I didn’t deserve that.

At the time, I had just started a new job and barely scraping by, so now this started to become an issue. I was newly divorced and in a lot of debt from that, moving, and being unemployed for 5 months. I definitely could not afford to foot the bill on a grown ass man!

Shortly after the concert incident, I texted Bawh-ston on a Saturday during a huge event in the city suggesting that instead of spending money (that I didn’t have), we could buy some beer and sit by the river. It was a beautiful day. He said he was having lunch at the bar. I knew that meant – “lunch” was going to end up being the rest of the day at the bar. He stopped answering my text messages altogether, so I was fuming, and I began to wonder if he’d met someone else. Samira saw him at the bar dancing around like a moron, so she recorded it and posted it to Facebook. He was by himself in a mostly empty bar.

Apparently, he was pissed at me for posting on Facebook earlier that week that I’d rather be on the back of a Harley than working that day. He took offense to that, because he doesn’t own a Harley, but instead of being a man about it, he chose to ignore me. Here we go, I thought, another fucking insecure asshole I’m dealing with here.

To be continued…

Bawh-ston – Part 2

(Continued from last post)

Thinking about his hard cock made my nipples hard.

Thinking about his hard cock made my nipples hard.

Since Bawh-ston had drank too much, I drove to my place, leaving his vehicle behind. There was no denying our mutual chemistry. We’d barely made it through the door without ripping each other’s clothes off, leaving a trail of jeans, shirts, boots, and lingerie. He had the softest lips and knew how to use them. (A great kisser always turns me on!) Had I known this before, I wouldn’t have waited so long to seduce him.

He was uncut, which was much more pleasurable for me, and his dick must have measured at least seven inches. I think we surprised each other at how much we really enjoyed one another. I mean, I knew the sex was going to be good, but I wasn’t expecting it to be that good. We spent hours in the bedroom before passing out – hours of fucking, sucking, and licking like porn stars.

Both of us had to be at work the next morning, so between a late night of drinking and amazing sex, we were both pretty exhausted. After dropping him off at his truck at the bar, I wasn’t expecting to hear back from him soon, if at all, figuring he was a player and a hookup. But I was wrong. He texted me that afternoon saying he’d had a good time and wanted to see me the following evening after work. Since this was about a week before the Christmas holiday and my first year living alone, I welcomed the company. We’d also had a cold winter, so having someone over that could help keep me warm was a plus.

We ended up enjoying each other’s company so much that we started seeing each other every day. For anyone that knows me, this is something really big for me. I’m the type of person that likes my space, and most guys annoy me if they hang around for too long or too often. We learned that we’d had a lot in common. I felt like he was the guy that I always wanted when I was in my 20s, but one of us would have broken the other’s heart. Unexpectedly, I didn’t spend Christmas alone. Bawh-ston ended up meeting some of my family (also really big for me), and they also liked him – even my gay cousin thought he was hot ;). But I had already told them I didn’t think this was going to be a permanent thing.

Although I really liked Bawh-ston, there were too many things that were deal breakers. One was the fact that he was 43 years old and didn’t have any motivation to better himself in the workplace. I later found out he didn’t even own a credit card, which would explain a lot. He had never been married, was still paying child support on his adult daughter, and he also had a roommate. He had zero motivation to do much of anything on his own unless I suggested it and showed him around. He had been living in my area for two years and hadn’t been anywhere except a few bars!

And then of course, the drinking. I hadn’t realized how bad the drinking was until he spent the night on a Friday and woke up on Saturday to pop a beer at 10 a.m., even before breakfast was served. I pretty much knew right then that this was going to be a huge issue for me, because my last relationship also had a drinking issue, and I wasn’t about to deal with it again. But like so many of us do, I continued with this relationship while it lasted. Again, I was vulnerable, probably somewhat lonely, and at the time he was a comfort pillow.

To be continued…

The Guy from Boston (Bawh-ston)

He made me so hot.

He made me so hot.

I should have gone with my first impression, but the combination of vulnerability and chemistry got in the way.

Bawh-ston was introduced to me by mutual bartender friends a couple of months prior to my final dissolution of marriage. My first impression? He was really good looking, around my age, and in pretty good shape. He had an attractive personality – he was humorous, friendly and easy to talk to, and seemed easy to get along with. But another first impression? He looks like an alcoholic, I thought.

Bawh-ston left with his friends, then maybe three weeks later we ran into each other at the same place while I was out with one of my fun cougar friends, Samira (who happens to fit the meaning of her name perfectly). Bawh-ston and I flirted heavily – so heavily to the point that I had my hand on his thigh and could feel his cock down his leg. Oh. My. God. Totally unexpected that he would have such a large cock. No wonder I was so attracted to this guy.

Unable to find Samira, I assumed she had to be to work early and left. For whatever reason (probably too much to drink), I thought Bawh-ston had left with another woman out the back door. I’ll still never really know to this day if that was the case or not, because later he denied it, saying he went outside to smoke weed. Apparently, he had come back inside the bar and saw that I’d left. I was probably pissed about the “other woman” that may or may not have existed, and so walked all the way home (probably two miles).

It turned out Samira had not left, but maybe was in the bathroom too long. I was drunk and stupid walking around a CVS asking something that I can’t remember, but probably something to do with Halloween makeup. My cell phone pics the following day chronicled my trip home past the tire shop and other random construction on the walkway. Thank goodness for cell phone cameras on drunk nights, right? I guess I was in CVS amusing myself by pressing the buttons on all of the mechanical Halloween props and filming them. Then for whatever reason, I’d decided that the tire shop was super interesting, because I took several (blurry) shots of it. Then there were pictures of orange flags in the ground for some construction job going on just before I got to my house. I don’t remember walking in the door.

Fast forward about two months later, days before the final decree, I ran into Bawh-ston again. This time was even better. We’d hashed out the last time we’d seen each other and the details of me leaving. We learned that we only lived about 1/4 of a mile away from each other. Super heavy flirtation began. And then we both decided that we wanted to fuck each other… right now.

So we left….

To be continued…

Throwback: Slippery Argentinian

That's how I like to straddle.

That’s how I like to straddle.

Here’s a little throwback situation I was in.

Had a girl’s night out with too many drinks, met a 30-year-old Argentinian that I immediately knew I wanted. In other words, I wasn’t leaving without him. He had thick, short dark hair and beautiful blue eyes. Perfect teeth, sexy body… the type of guy I’d never have met in my 20s.

Now let me tell you what I don’t do – public display of affection. Locals know everyone, and I don’t like people knowing my business. But for some reason, I was so entranced with this hottie, I forgot my own rule and ended up making out with him in front of everyone before leaving in a cab and heading to my house. (I ended up paying for the cab.)

It didn’t take long before walking through the door to start back where we’d left off in the club. We basically tore each other’s clothes off and went at it. I had a brand new batch of condoms and we put one to use. The sex was totally hot. He liked me on top of him, which I prefer anyway, and we just pounded each other until we both came… and that didn’t take long for either of us. Then he said he had to pick his kids up clear across town in a few hours and needed to get his car. I ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up he was gone. We never exchanged numbers.

About three or four days later, something wasn’t right “down there”. I wasn’t worried about having any diseases, so I figured it’s probably just a regular women’s issue. Two more days later, and I wasn’t feeling so well. I brush it off to thinking I’m coming down with something or it’s hormonal. Then I started having dreams (two to be exact) about being pregnant. But I knew that was impossible. Finally, the issue came to a head.

Apparently, Mr. Argentina failed to inform me that the condom had slipped off during sex and was still inside of me. I couldn’t feel it way up there; I thought he’d flushed it. In the meantime, I had been playing with my toys and probably shoving it back up inside without even realizing it. I was just thankful I didn’t end up in the emergency room over it from toxic shock or something.

Once I discovered what had happened, I thought how in the fuck could a grown ass man not tell me the condom had fallen off? Embarrassment? Stupidity? Did he even know how to use one properly (given that he had been married for a while). I didn’t even have his phone number to remind him about what he did. I was pretty disgusted by the whole way it happened. It had never happened before, and it hasn’t happened since.

Friday FAQs – Why Are You a Cam Model?

I love sheer lingerie

I love sheer lingerie

I’m at a point in life in which if I’m not happy with my job, I’m going to find something else to do. I don’t believe in being unhappy every day, getting up and repeating. That’s just insanity. The high-security job I have/had (hours cut big time so I won’t be doing it for long) is a low-paying, extremely stressful rat race that often requires unpaid training and extra unpaid work hours. It got to the point that my job was literally making me sick, resulting in medical bills that I couldn’t afford. When my hours were cut, it was just one more thing to drive me into another direction. But I was confused as to what direction I should go, because nothing inspired me.

An older friend knows that I am a much happier person when I’m self-employed. She suggested finding something that I’m good at and enjoy, and go to work for myself. I’m independent and work much better alone than with groups. I’ve never felt like I have ever “fit in” anywhere, and I’m really a nonconformist when it comes to rules or expectations of certain careers. I racked my brain thinking what can I do that I enjoy that is also profitable?

While I am good at many things, I’m not an expert at anything. I have very diverse interests and talents, but it seems like I’d tried it all before with only minimal success (mainly because most of it required me to be somewhat of a sales person, which is not me by any means). Everyone knows that sex sells (without much effort, I might add), so I thought maybe I can combine the talents I enjoy (writing, modeling, blogging, etc.) with sex. But how? Because I certainly wasn’t going to prostitute myself out.

A friend had (jokingly?) suggested I should be a cam model, because I’d sent him a short video of me pleasing myself. But I told him I wouldn’t know where to begin. I’d never done such a thing, and I didn’t know anything about being a cam model. Besides, how can I compete with a bunch of 20-somethings with perfect firm bodies? Then I learned that there are plenty of men out there enjoying cougar cam models, some my own age that prefer someone with a maturity level of their own. Others are younger men that have cougar fantasies. Perfect, I thought, that’s how I will market myself.

Within a week, I ended up meeting someone that manages cam models. I tried to get more info out of him, but he was unreliable. Another week or so later, I met someone else that introduced me to My Free Cams, because his ex-girlfriend used to do it. I decided that this was no coincidence – three times within a couple of weeks was a sign that I needed to do more investigating and get on board.

As of this writing, it’s been almost 4 weeks since I signed up and broadcasted my first cam show. It’s definitely a learning curve between figuring out how to navigate the site, setting up my room for shows, and promoting myself. Within that time, I’ve worked half of the hours and made the same money doing the other job I hated. I make my own hours and work from home. My goal is to continue building clients and income, and eventually, this will lead to following other dreams that nothing else I’ve done has provided.

 

Cub #2 – The Med Student

Sending a selfie to a cub

Sending a selfie to a cub

After I’d stopped seeing Blue Eyes, I was out dancing with my friends one night and bumped into a really cute dark haired, tanned and toned-bodied guy with beautiful blue-green eyes that appeared to be in his late 20s or so. It turned out he was going to school with the intentions of becoming a doctor, which was a plus, because I am highly attracted to intelligent men. We exchanged numbers and began a texting relationship for a few weeks. As it turns out, he was only 23. Yikes! He stated he had no problem with older women.

I wasn’t a big texter at the time, so it was a little annoying for me to have an entire conversation that didn’t consist of actually speaking. We sent some photos back and forth to each other (innocent) at first and then came the dick pics. It was difficult to tell by the angles if it was an accurate depiction of his manhood. I’m a very detail-oriented person, so I notice EVERYTHING, and I could tell he was a nail biter. Yuck.

Med Student begged me to come to his place a few times, but I was hesitant. Finally, we agreed to meet somewhere and hang out for a little bit before I gave in. He was renting a really nice house in an area I couldn’t have afforded on my own. He had a roommate that was sleeping when we arrived, which I was glad, because I hate those awkward situations when it’s only a hookup. His bedroom was a frigging mess with clothing strewn all over the place, bed unmade, poor lighting, bare walls. I had to remind myself of his age, because when I was his age, guys then lived in about the same circumstances.

We’d both been drinking, which took the edge off, but in no time we started kissing, and I was impressed. I absolutely LOVE kissing, and I find it a HUGE turn-on. His lips were nicely shaped, soft, and inviting, so it didn’t take long for us both to get hot and horny. He just about tore my dress off to get to me. I was surprised not only at how well-endowed he was but at his bedroom moves. I went down on him, sucking the head of his dick like a Tootsie Pop, teasing him just enough to make him want to enter me. I was soaking wet and ready to roll. He thrust himself inside of me, fitting perfectly, sliding in and out, my clit rubbing against his shaft just right. We flipped over, me sitting up and riding him, scooting back and forth for more clitoral stimulation. I could tell he was probably close to coming, as was I, so I stuck my tits in his face, brought my legs together and squeezed my pelvic muscles tighter. I always like to kiss while I’m fucking, because it makes me cum harder and faster, so I grabbed his bottom lip with my teeth and locked lips. Within seconds, we both came at the same time. (I always think that’s hot!)

I spent the night, and in the morning we had a quickie before he had to drop me back to my car. It wasn’t the last time I’d be seeing Med Student. 😉