It’s been quite some time since I posted on here, and lots of things have happened since. Work has been sporadic until I begin a new job in two weeks. In the meantime, I just listed a bunch of video and panty auctions on ebanned.
If you’re having trouble viewing the auctions, it’s probably because you have to be logged in in order to see them. Here’s the list just in case:
There seems to be a never-ending supply of this material! From the last post on this topic, this is the same guy that’s always asking “How’s your day?” or “How was your weekend?” over and over and over. This time he texted “Happy New Year” and I answered back the same. I have learned to avoid answering questions like these, because he wants to hear ALL of my sex stories (apparently via text as opposed to my blog), then he proceeds to ask me 150 questions (which are also repetitive). I’ve actually gone off on him before telling him that he asks the same f%^*ing questions over and over, that it gets old, and why is he so interested in my sex life? I know for a fact he gets off on these stories, but I’m not going to sit and text about it for hours when I have a blog that he can read to get his jollies off.
Then there’s this guy. I named him this in my phone, because I couldn’t for the life of me ever remember his name, even though it’s fairly common. I suppose it’s just because I have no interest in dating him. We did hang out one evening, but there was no sex involved. He had horrible breath and I wasn’t into him at all. I guess he’s to be admired for his tenacity, but begging just makes him look super pathetic.
I have to turn my ringer off at night, because sometimes I get these random messages at times when no one should be contacting me unless it’s an emergency.
This one, for example, came from a guy from out of town that I met about four years ago right after my breakup. It was probably the worst sex of my life. He was 33 and had no idea what he was doing in bed. I never saw him again, although he did text me once in a while. But this was the last text I ever received, and we hadn’t communicated in some time, so this was clearly out of nowhere. I think he got the hint.
This comes from a friend that I have hooked up with once or twice. He has some pretty interesting stories and fantasies that we discuss. He may or may not be reading my blog material… 😉 But he sends the same messages asking the same damn questions, and I don’t have time to text all day long, because that’s how it ends up when I do answer him.
I like to f*ck with wrong numbers. This one amused the hell out of me but apparently not them. I was hoping to keep the conversation going. 😉
I’ve always been attracted to younger men and generally don’t date anyone more than about 4 years older than me. My entire adult life I’ve been told I need to be with an older man, because of the maturity level. But let me tell you – I have not seen much of a difference in maturity when it comes to age.
I’ve tried a spectrum dating sites over time – ranging from the typical PoF and Match and Tinder to Cougar dating. I thought I’d try out a sugar daddy site to see if I get any different results from men that supposedly have money (as opposed to half of the ones I meet that are unemployed), to see if I get treated better. I have to say that anyone that I was physically attracted to was looking for much younger women/girls 18-21. There were very few attractive men on there to begin with, and many were married just looking for a fling.
The first “gentlemen” I agreed to meet for lunch claimed he was in his early 50s (looked older) and lived about two hours away. This was right when my job started cutting my hours, so I had some time to meet during the week. (Let me add right here that when I first meet anyone, I dress in appropriate office attire, so no one gets the wrong idea.) Of course he looked better in his photos, but I was trying to figure out if we would click. We met at a sushi place, sat in the back corner so we could speak. The place was super quiet, which made it awkward to have a conversation without everyone hearing us. First, we talked about what we did for a living and basic life things. (Oh… and he’s married, but she’s not interested in sex and hasn’t been in a long time.) I watched him eat his sushi with a fork, tried to teach him how to use chopsticks… it was a disaster… which made me think he’s not very refined for a man his age, but it gave me something to talk about.
As we finished up, the place started clearing out, but the two women sitting behind us were barely whispering, which made me think they were listening to us. Then he got on his phone and started googling something… his entire face changed from normal to lustful creepy… said something like, “So how do you want to do this? Want to get a room at the Comfort Inn down the street and see if we click? I know you could use the money.” He’d been googling hotels in the area. (Let me add right here that the area is not a place I would ever get a cheap hotel, no matter the occasion.) He wanted to leave right away.
I was taken aback, because this wasn’t the “arrangement” I was seeking. In fact, I had clearly stated in my profile what I was looking for, yet I was open-minded at the same time – and I certainly wasn’t asking to get paid to have sex with a stranger. Speechless, he could tell that I was uncomfortable by his surprising offer (not to mention that a place like the Comfort Inn would be a place to sleep when I was in college, but certainly not a place to take a woman if you’re trying to woo her.) Plus, I had clearly stated I’m not an escort, so at the same time I was slightly offended but it hadn’t completely sunken in yet. It was like the initial shock you feel getting unexpectedly slapped in the face.
I politely told him I’d have to think about it, since we just met, and it was a good excuse to get the hell out of there. Once I left and had time to absorb what had just happened, I was disgusted. I mean, how does a man claiming he didn’t want a “pro” or an escort meet someone like me and offer the same exact thing he claims he’s not looking for?
I had about an hour drive home to think about it all, sent him an email saying thanks but no thanks, and I let him know that his offer was offensive and cheap. He apologized, because that wasn’t his intention. We didn’t contact each other again. About a year later, I went back on the site and he was still on there without any changes to his profile. Some men just never learn, no matter the age.
After meeting two other men on that site, I deleted my profile. To be continued…
I met a 24-year-old College Cub a few years ago on a cougar dating site. His pictures were really cute – blond hair, blue eyes, average build. He seemed like he could hold a decent, educated conversation, which is important to me. He lived about an hour and a half away, and we only hung out twice, mostly because he was unreliable or wanted to show up at my place at midnight and stay the night when I had to work the next day.
Upon the first actual meeting, College Cub showed up with alcohol, which is more than what I’m used to. He was wearing sweatpants and a tshirt and looked a little sloppy, and he was much shorter than he alluded in his profile. We made drinks and sat on the infamous cougar couch to chat and get to know each other. He would be graduating college that year, and he worked in sales. He was definitely easy to talk to, and we seemed to enjoy each other’s company. A few hours later, we were all over each other… but he was definitely inexperienced and anxious.
I don’t mind giving a few directions, but College Cub had no idea what he was doing. I had to teach him everything… even to slow down when he kissed me, because he must have thought he was in a race. He didn’t know what to do with his fingers, so I gently showed him how to rub my special places and how to properly insert a finger without jabbing me like a cattle prod. He didn’t know how to use his mouth when he went down on my either, so I had to instruct him there as well. It was truly work and not that much fun for me.
College Cub’s dick was a little on the small side, which made it even more work for me in that department. A little short, and not thick, which meant riding him was going to take some extra skills. Finally, it was late, and he finished quickly.
We saw each other once more after that, and he remembered a lot of what I taught him, which was nicer than giving instructions while I was trying to get off. Once every so often, I’d hear from College Cub, and I’d spy on his Facebook page to see whether or not he was in a relationship and trying to pull one over on me – and he was. He was begging me to have him over, and I’d moved about 45 minutes from where I’d lived when I saw him prior, but he didn’t care. I told him I wasn’t interested, but he didn’t take that as an answer. Then I simply said I didn’t want to see him and to stay with his girlfriend. Still, he thought something was wrong with me. So… I ghosted him. But he kept up a conversation all by himself just fine for the next three days.
I’m a zero bullshit type of person, which is why I’m easy to get along with. I know what I want, say what I want, and most people appreciate that. Too bad I can’t say the same for other people.
After Army Guy’s little hissy fit over not getting his way, I was like WTF… we’d just had a conversation that neither of us wanted a relationship nor had time for one. We’d only been out ONCE on an actual date at that point and seen each other twice. I didn’t know whether he was taking things out on me that was happening at his house, but I certainly didn’t appreciate it, nor did I deserve it. That type of response will cause me to start building a wall and push me away for good. I felt that he was sabotaging what little was left, so he said he wanted to see me in person to talk about it, since texting can cause confusion.
When he arrived at my place, I was pretty tense from it all. We gave each other a long hug, and he apologized. (This is where I’m putting things together.) Remember earlier when I said his response was “she takes things too personal”? Well, now the story is she’s banging someone else at the house, and he felt disrespected. Okay, understandable, so why did it take him coming over to tell me that? I mean, if we’re being honest with each other here, so why not have this disclosure to begin with?
Army Guy is a charmer, and I couldn’t resist kissing him. But that’s really all I was ready to do. Then he started pawing at me and going a lot farther than I was ready for. I had to tell him to slow down a few times. I could tell he just wanted to fuck me and leave again… which is exactly what happened. Then I was pissed at myself for allowing it.
And then a storm hit – both literally and figuratively – and I was out of power for nearly a week. On a Friday he’d asked how I was doing, and he wanted to see me on Saturday. I thought that “maybe” he’d at least offer to bring me a hot meal, but I never heard from him until five days later. By then I was pretty stressed out dealing with my situation (junk food, no ice, cold showers, no sleep, zero power, feeling gross). I’d had way too much time alone in the dark to think about life and how I wanted to live it and what types of people I want in it, so I blew him off, because I was pissed. I was starting to feel like I was almost dealing with another Big Liar.
Army Guy then claimed he’d been trying to call me for 3 days (LIE!!!) so I sent him a screenshot of my phone calls… showing just one call from him the day prior. Of course, he couldn’t argue with that, so he changed the subject. There were just too many red flags now. Between his nondisclosure of things and selfish pursuits, I felt I was being played. (Oh yeah, and did I mention that while he was giving me a massage once, he started telling me about a married woman that wanted to see him again? Not exactly the greatest timing, dear.) I also remembered that he’d contacted me six months prior to this arrangement, prior to his deployment, wanting to meet up. Putting two and two together again, I realized he had been living with this other woman, because he told me they were living together before he deployed – and when he came back, she’d been fucking her ex.
I sent him a text saying this thing between us isn’t going to work. I had no intentions of seeing him again, because I didn’t want to hear anymore bullshit lies, manipulations, and I certainly wasn’t going to allow him to treat me like I had a revolving door. I expected him to either agree or at least ask me why. Instead, he decided to make it ugly and act like a big fucking baby (BFB) not getting his way. Total turnoff!
The following day I awoke to text messages starting at 7 a.m. He was going ballistic: “thanks for breaking up with me by text like a 16 y/o.” Umm, okay. Then more insults saying I was a shitty lay anyway, blamed me for us not getting together, sarcastically said good luck with the panty business (although when he was getting his way he was FULLY supportive! 😉 ), called me inconsiderate for not telling him in person, blah blah blah. I honestly didn’t think it mattered how I told him, since this wasn’t a relationship to break up anything except a convenient lay for him.
I was in no mood to argue with someone that was acting like a BFB. In fact, while he was bombarding my phone with these shitty messages, I was reading them out loud to the Norwegian guy I’d hooked up with the night before. After the shitty lay comment, the Norwegian told me to tell him that I’m a great lay. So I did, then I blocked Army Guy for good.
I’m sure he’s still reading my blogs hoping for his claim to fame that he fucked a hot MILF/cougar and still probably jerks off thinking about it. Oh yeah, and he’s still following me on Instagram. 😉
On the date with Army Guy, I informed him of my blog and camming, which are completely divergent from my former career. He seemed really cool with it, supportive, perhaps wanted to participate. (Later on, he did participate in cam chat, making lots of viewers jealous. It was a huge turn-on!)
Anyway… back to the date. I was hot, horny, and ready to fuck. We eventually made our way back to my house, starting on the couch with a nightcap and a really heavy make-out session that didn’t take long to move onto the bed.
Army Guy went down on me, and I realized he’d had some practice since I’d seen him last. He was definitely better than before, although still needed some fine tuning, because he seemed a little too aggressive/excited. His fingers were a little rough, and I had to keep reminding him to slow down. Also, at times something about the angle of his tongue literally rubbed me the wrong way. (I’m sure that women reading this can somehow relate.) But I did manage to teach him how to make me cum. And oh my god… he had two fingers inside of me thumping while he was eating my pussy like he hadn’t eaten dinner earlier. I came hard, but I was ready to fuck, because his cock turned me on.
Army Guy had the perfect fucking cock. His dick was probably a good six inches AND thick. I really, really liked sucking him off. I got so horny doing it that I would almost cum, but we both wanted to fuck – and fuck HARD. My perfect position with him was straddling him while I rode him on top, my clit rubbing all over his shaft, then leaning down toward him and shoving my tits in his mouth and rubbing my clit on the area above his dick, his dick shoved all the way inside of me. Apparently, we both liked it a little rough in that department. (To be honest, just writing this is making me wet as hell!) I have some pretty good Kegel skills, so just by doing certain positions and tightening, we managed to both cum at the same time. He started sending me text messages saying how great the sex was and how he jerked off thinking about it, how horny he was and how he couldn’t wait to fuck me again. (Remember those words.)
I saw Army Guy two more times after that night. I honestly believe he didn’t just come to “see me”, because he wasn’t around for long: we had sex, and he’d leave. The first time, I just figured it was timing. I had already told him I didn’t want a “wham, bam, thank you ma’am” situation, and we both agreed we didn’t want an actual relationship. He expressed that he wanted to take me out on his bike and do actual dates. (I honestly don’t expect anyone in his 20s to want a relationship at all, much less with a woman probably closer to his mother’s age.) However, I do expect to be respected and not lied to. After all, I’m offering him my company and time, and allowing him in my home. (Plus, it wasn’t like he was the only guy trying to hang out with me, so I did have some other choices if I felt the need. I didn’t.)
Then things just got weird. Weird as in – for whatever reason (intuition), I felt the need to ask if he lived alone. (I don’t know why I never asked, but I did ask why he’d moved 45 minutes away from the last place he lived – and his answer was it was a better quality place. Okay, whatever, sounded plausible I guess.) He informed me that he did have a roommate. Again, I “felt” the need to ask if this was a girlfriend. His answer: “No, but she’s someone I used to sleep with.”
Okay, now things were starting to get into perspective. The more questions I asked at different times, the more I started noticing different answers or avoidance. Total bullshit. With the newfound information that Army Guy was still living with his ex, I started putting up my guard. I was tired of being the rebound girl and told him so. He stated that he and his ex had been over for a few months, but he was just trying to find another place to live. Okay, I’ve been through that myself, so I get it.
Then something happened with a text “miscommunication” that I’m unsure was an actual miscommunication at all. Apparently, he was angry at his live-in ex over something, and the answer he’d given me was “she takes things too personal.” Okay, no further details. Told him I was doing some blog writing, he says he’s excited about reading it until he asked me if it was about him. No, however, the beginning almost sounds like him (Tattooed Cub), but the physical description is different.
Unexpectedly, Army Guy gets pissy, and text messages go from zero to nearly psycho in two seconds saying, “Yeah I’m fat, he’s not? Terrific”. I’m like WTF… I never said anything to imply that. All I said was Tattooed Cub is heavily tatted, shorter in height, and bearded.
So he sends: “My night just did a fucking nose dive so I’m gonna go before I lose it,” and his messages didn’t get much better than that.
I had no idea what he was talking about. I said what do you mean? What happened? I thought something happened at his house. So how is this my fault?
His response: “Comes a time when it would be nice to see you write about the guy you are actually with and not all the ex hookups. Just food for thought.”
Really? Suddenly, I got the feeling that he was only in this for his own personal selfish gratification. Being in this career field, I can’t have anyone acting jealous (prior to this he claimed he doesn’t get jealous – another lie) and ruining my chi. It just can’t happen. Besides, I thought, I have been single 15 of my adult years, so he can back the fuck off and wait his turn for me blogging about him. I hope he’s reading this now.
A few years ago I met a really cute blue-eyed (yes another with blue eyes!) guy at a beer joint near my house. He seemed well spoken, intelligent, and mature for his ripe young age of 25. He’d served in the army, had just gone through a divorce, and was going to college. He told me about his time in the war in Afghanistan and had PTSD as a result of it.
We saw each other maybe a handful of times, always having sex, of course. It was okay, but once it got a little scary, because he thought that I liked to be choked while having sex (I don’t). At some point he had this really deranged look in his eyes, and I wasn’t sure if he was having a flashback or what the hell was going on. So I stayed away from him… for a while.
He contacted me a few months later and ended up staying the night after telling me he had tried working things out with an ex, which is why I hadn’t heard from him. (Go figure.) He had school the next day, I had work, but I couldn’t wait to get him out of my house. When I woke up with him there, I’d wished I had never allowed him over. I had started remembering that he was quick-tempered, and knowing he might have been mentally unstable, I knew I didn’t want to see him again. As I watched him leave, I told myself never again, and thought for a minute he looked sad and pathetic like Shrek trodding down my driveway.
I didn’t hear from him again for over a year, saying he was going to be deploying again soon, but at the time I was going on a date with someone else and not interested in Army Guy. Six months later, I get a text from him saying he’s back in town. I should have gone with my last memory of him leaving my driveway that one memorable morning, but gave him the benefit of the doubt, especially when he told me he was in a different state of mind than when I’d seen him last.
He asked me out on an actual date, so I said sure, why not? Army Guy picked me up on his motorcycle, and we had a really amazing time. I’d forgotten what it was like to be on an actual date with real, stimulating conversation. Plus, his eyes were mesmerizing, and I was really attracted to him much more so than I was the first time I met him. His kisses made me wet, and I knew we’d be fucking by the end of the night.
I read an interview today about Jennifer Lopez’s autobiography titled True Love, in which she talks about her failed relationships and marriages. Her disappointment came from giving too much of herself, giving into her partner’s wants and needs, instead of going for what she wanted and needed. I find myself falling into that situation time and time again.
This vicious cycle of giving instead of listening to my own needs probably stems from the way I grew up. I watched mothers around me give to men for years, even at times putting them before their children, because they feel their value somehow lies with making the man happy instead of themselves. Putting everyone first and neglecting my own needs was something I became conditioned to do, and it’s a really tough cycle to break if you’ve been doing it your entire life.
Looking back at past relationships, even if I didn’t want to have sex, I would do it anyway just to make the man happy. This type of behavior always causes resentment and misery, and it often results in the lack of sexual desire. Believe it or not, for a long time I didn’t want sex. In fact, I avoided it, because I viewed it as a boring chore rather than something pleasurable. It was because I kept giving into my partner’s needs and wants (not just sexually) rather than taking care of my own.
Even now, I find myself (and my friends remind me) that I give too much of myself too quickly, and I’m too trusting at first. I guess I just tend to like people more than they deserve. So after spending nearly a week without power from the storm, I have a different perspective of things… I’m putting me first, and anyone that can’t handle it can hit the road.
Tattooed Cub was the first (and only) cub of my time to seriously hang out with me. We never went on any actual “dates”, and I always hosted, but it was nice to have someone to have a meal with, watch a movie with, or (of course) make out with. We lasted off and on for a few months, but he seemed really unreliable, which ruined it. He worked a lot, which was great, but every time he’d make plans, he’d either have to cancel, or he’d be so late I was ready to go to sleep. A few times his excuse was that he’d fallen asleep. I began to wonder if it was more than just work keeping him busy. It got to the point that I had to tell him I was no longer going to make plans with him if he was going to stand me up. That was pretty much the end of that.
Every few months, Tattooed Cub sends me a text asking how I am and telling me how much I turn him on. But… BUT!!! I noticed he was obviously dating someone, then blowing me off, then coming back to me. That doesn’t exactly work for me. He has a girlfriend now, and although I’d love to hang out with him, I’m not going to be “that woman” shagging taken men on the side. But I still do get wet thinking about the fun we had while it lasted. 😉
Is there such a thing as a tattoo fetish? Because tattooed men really fucking turn me on. Big time!
A few years ago when I was newly single, I got onto Tinder and started swiping mostly to the left. One of the few right swipes included a cutie that was heavily tattooed, had a motorcycle (woo hoo!), and seemed like he had his shit together for his age. He was 26, a war veteran, and had just gone through a divorce. He also had one of those long beards that I wasn’t too fond of at the time, but I quickly got over that.
We communicated for a bit and decided to meet. When Tattooed Cub showed up, I wasn’t expecting him to be just about the same height as me, but I blew that off, because he had sweet blue eyes, and he was in pretty good shape. And those tattoos were making me wet!
We had a few drinks and ended up on my infamous make-out cougar couch, kissing passionately. I think he was a bit nervous, so I took the lead with my cat-like reflexes, pawing at his chest and pulling off his shirt. Da-damn! More tats! I was about to cum in my silky black thong just looking at them. I knew I loved tatted men, but I hadn’t realized how much tattoos turned me on like this. I wanted to maul him.
Wearing a skirt, I straddled him on the couch and grinded my hips against him. He unbuttoned my shirt and started feeling my tits, taking off my bra, sucking on my nipples. I pressed them into his face, his beard softly tickling me. I continued grinding on him harder, feeling his hard dick throbbing in his jeans.
We were getting sweaty, and the small couch wasn’t going to work for what was about to come (no pun intended), so I decided it was time to relocate into my air-conditioned bedroom. Tattooed Cub lifted my skirt and pulled off my thong. His soft beard tickled as he kissed up my legs and between my thighs, which actually felt nice. His tongue made its way to my wet pussy, circling around my clit, teasing me and sucking me. I was so turned on by him and his tattoos… I just wanted him inside of me.
Reaching down, I unzipped his jeans and pulled out his dick. It was a nice average length and girth, so I knew it could pleasure me without hurting me. I stuck his dick in my mouth and deep-throated for a few minutes. Knowing he was about to cum, I stopped and got on top of him like I was a cougar attacking her prey. I held his hands down and fucked him fast and hard. It only took a few minutes before we both came at the same time. All the while, I was staring at his tattoos, because they made me cum harder.
Tattooed Cub and I lay in my bed for a while sweaty and satisfied. I knew he wanted to leave, which was fine with me, because we both had to be up early the following day. It wouldn’t be our last time together… and I decided it was time for me to get more of my own tattoos.
I should have gone with my first impression, but the combination of vulnerability and chemistry got in the way.
Bawh-ston was introduced to me by mutual bartender friends a couple of months prior to my final dissolution of marriage. My first impression? He was really good looking, around my age, and in pretty good shape. He had an attractive personality – he was humorous, friendly and easy to talk to, and seemed easy to get along with. But another first impression? He looks like an alcoholic, I thought.
Bawh-ston left with his friends, then maybe three weeks later we ran into each other at the same place while I was out with one of my fun cougar friends, Samira (who happens to fit the meaning of her name perfectly). Bawh-ston and I flirted heavily – so heavily to the point that I had my hand on his thigh and could feel his cock down his leg. Oh. My. God. Totally unexpected that he would have such a large cock. No wonder I was so attracted to this guy.
Unable to find Samira, I assumed she had to be to work early and left. For whatever reason (probably too much to drink), I thought Bawh-ston had left with another woman out the back door. I’ll still never really know to this day if that was the case or not, because later he denied it, saying he went outside to smoke weed. Apparently, he had come back inside the bar and saw that I’d left. I was probably pissed about the “other woman” that may or may not have existed, and so walked all the way home (probably two miles).
It turned out Samira had not left, but maybe was in the bathroom too long. I was drunk and stupid walking around a CVS asking something that I can’t remember, but probably something to do with Halloween makeup. My cell phone pics the following day chronicled my trip home past the tire shop and other random construction on the walkway. Thank goodness for cell phone cameras on drunk nights, right? I guess I was in CVS amusing myself by pressing the buttons on all of the mechanical Halloween props and filming them. Then for whatever reason, I’d decided that the tire shop was super interesting, because I took several (blurry) shots of it. Then there were pictures of orange flags in the ground for some construction job going on just before I got to my house. I don’t remember walking in the door.
Fast forward about two months later, days before the final decree, I ran into Bawh-ston again. This time was even better. We’d hashed out the last time we’d seen each other and the details of me leaving. We learned that we only lived about 1/4 of a mile away from each other. Super heavy flirtation began. And then we both decided that we wanted to fuck each other… right now.
I’m at a point in life in which if I’m not happy with my job, I’m going to find something else to do. I don’t believe in being unhappy every day, getting up and repeating. That’s just insanity. The high-security job I have/had (hours cut big time so I won’t be doing it for long) is a low-paying, extremely stressful rat race that often requires unpaid training and extra unpaid work hours. It got to the point that my job was literally making me sick, resulting in medical bills that I couldn’t afford. When my hours were cut, it was just one more thing to drive me into another direction. But I was confused as to what direction I should go, because nothing inspired me.
An older friend knows that I am a much happier person when I’m self-employed. She suggested finding something that I’m good at and enjoy, and go to work for myself. I’m independent and work much better alone than with groups. I’ve never felt like I have ever “fit in” anywhere, and I’m really a nonconformist when it comes to rules or expectations of certain careers. I racked my brain thinking what can I do that I enjoy that is also profitable?
While I am good at many things, I’m not an expert at anything. I have very diverse interests and talents, but it seems like I’d tried it all before with only minimal success (mainly because most of it required me to be somewhat of a sales person, which is not me by any means). Everyone knows that sex sells (without much effort, I might add), so I thought maybe I can combine the talents I enjoy (writing, modeling, blogging, etc.) with sex. But how? Because I certainly wasn’t going to prostitute myself out.
A friend had (jokingly?) suggested I should be a cam model, because I’d sent him a short video of me pleasing myself. But I told him I wouldn’t know where to begin. I’d never done such a thing, and I didn’t know anything about being a cam model. Besides, how can I compete with a bunch of 20-somethings with perfect firm bodies? Then I learned that there are plenty of men out there enjoying cougar cam models, some my own age that prefer someone with a maturity level of their own. Others are younger men that have cougar fantasies. Perfect, I thought, that’s how I will market myself.
Within a week, I ended up meeting someone that manages cam models. I tried to get more info out of him, but he was unreliable. Another week or so later, I met someone else that introduced me to My Free Cams, because his ex-girlfriend used to do it. I decided that this was no coincidence – three times within a couple of weeks was a sign that I needed to do more investigating and get on board.
As of this writing, it’s been almost 4 weeks since I signed up and broadcasted my first cam show. It’s definitely a learning curve between figuring out how to navigate the site, setting up my room for shows, and promoting myself. Within that time, I’ve worked half of the hours and made the same money doing the other job I hated. I make my own hours and work from home. My goal is to continue building clients and income, and eventually, this will lead to following other dreams that nothing else I’ve done has provided.
After a breakup, there’s a lot of sexual tension built up – especially when you end up with someone that has a high sex drive. Shortly after my separation, I created a Facebook profile and began adding people that I hadn’t seen in years. One in particular was a guy that I hadn’t seen since my early 20s, because he’d gone into the Marines and we’d lost touch. He was eager to meet up again, but it was too soon for me emotionally to want to meet up with anyone. Besides, I was still technically married and living under the same roof as my ex. Too many complications for me to indulge in something new, but he was very persistent and didn’t seem to respect my need for space at that time in my life (red flag #1).
I blew him off until a few months later when I saw an article I thought he’d enjoy and messaged it to him. He’d deleted me as his Facebook friend! (Red flag #2.) He thanked me for the article and began asking me out again. I was hesitant, but for whatever reason, there was something about him that I was attracted to. I think there was sexual chemistry even over the internet. By that point, I was ready to “meet for a drink” at a local pub. He looked great (we’re the same age) and the chemistry in person was definitely there.
We decided to go back to his place. When he opened the door, I was taken aback by the odor of stinky dog. He had two dogs he kept caged up (red flag #3) and apparently didn’t spend much time training them. Still, the sexual chemistry was so intense, and that was my reason for being there.
After only a few drinks, he grabbed me and kissed me very passionately. I could feel myself melt and my panties getting soaked. We moved from his patio to inside his house, basically ripping each other’s clothes off and strewing them about the floor. It had been about 20 years, but I remembered now why was attracted to him – he had a huge cock and knew how to use it. We ended up in his guest bedroom fucking so hard the king-sized mattress ended up halfway off the bed, my head almost hitting the floor as he pounded me. He kept mentioning how wet I was and realized the mattress was soaked. I don’t think I’d ever been that wet during a sexual encounter in my entire life.
Mind you, I hadn’t had very much sex during my relationship and had only hooked up a couple of times since separating (nothing too memorable at that point, which is why I’m calling him my first fuck). It was the BEST sex I’d had in years. Even thinking about it now gets me hot and bothered.
But there were other things about this Marine that had red flags written all over. I ended up nicknaming him Psycho Marine to my friends. I will write more about him later…
After I’d stopped seeing Blue Eyes, I was out dancing with my friends one night and bumped into a really cute dark haired, tanned and toned-bodied guy with beautiful blue-green eyes that appeared to be in his late 20s or so. It turned out he was going to school with the intentions of becoming a doctor, which was a plus, because I am highly attracted to intelligent men. We exchanged numbers and began a texting relationship for a few weeks. As it turns out, he was only 23. Yikes! He stated he had no problem with older women.
I wasn’t a big texter at the time, so it was a little annoying for me to have an entire conversation that didn’t consist of actually speaking. We sent some photos back and forth to each other (innocent) at first and then came the dick pics. It was difficult to tell by the angles if it was an accurate depiction of his manhood. I’m a very detail-oriented person, so I notice EVERYTHING, and I could tell he was a nail biter. Yuck.
Med Student begged me to come to his place a few times, but I was hesitant. Finally, we agreed to meet somewhere and hang out for a little bit before I gave in. He was renting a really nice house in an area I couldn’t have afforded on my own. He had a roommate that was sleeping when we arrived, which I was glad, because I hate those awkward situations when it’s only a hookup. His bedroom was a frigging mess with clothing strewn all over the place, bed unmade, poor lighting, bare walls. I had to remind myself of his age, because when I was his age, guys then lived in about the same circumstances.
We’d both been drinking, which took the edge off, but in no time we started kissing, and I was impressed. I absolutely LOVE kissing, and I find it a HUGE turn-on. His lips were nicely shaped, soft, and inviting, so it didn’t take long for us both to get hot and horny. He just about tore my dress off to get to me. I was surprised not only at how well-endowed he was but at his bedroom moves. I went down on him, sucking the head of his dick like a Tootsie Pop, teasing him just enough to make him want to enter me. I was soaking wet and ready to roll. He thrust himself inside of me, fitting perfectly, sliding in and out, my clit rubbing against his shaft just right. We flipped over, me sitting up and riding him, scooting back and forth for more clitoral stimulation. I could tell he was probably close to coming, as was I, so I stuck my tits in his face, brought my legs together and squeezed my pelvic muscles tighter. I always like to kiss while I’m fucking, because it makes me cum harder and faster, so I grabbed his bottom lip with my teeth and locked lips. Within seconds, we both came at the same time. (I always think that’s hot!)
I spent the night, and in the morning we had a quickie before he had to drop me back to my car. It wasn’t the last time I’d be seeing Med Student. 😉
These are two questions I am asked quite frequently, so here it is…
I will begin with the latter, because it’s such a fun and hot-ass story to recall. A few years ago while I was going thru my breakup b.s., I was going out a lot. (Basically, sowing my wild oats, so to speak.) Once I realized that younger men were attracted to me, all I wanted were younger men and had no interest in any my own age at the time. Of course, going out frequently means you’re going to run into a lot of 20-somethings, since that’s usually what is single and also sowing their wild oats.
Anyway, some of my other single girlfriends were also going through the same ordeal as me, so we decided to take a trip to Florida to get the hell away from our problems for a week. One night we decided to watch a band, and even though I “thought” I had gotten over band guys while in my 20s, this one was amazingly talented, cute, and happened to flirt with me. Guitar Guy and I talked a few times, were both fully attracted to each other and learned we were both Leo’s (and we knew what that meant). He had blue eyes and an amazingly hard physique that I wasn’t used to having in front of me. So we decided to take a ride in his SUV once his band packed up for the night, and before we even left the parking space, we couldn’t stop making out in the front seat. It was getting late, and the area was well lit with cops circling everywhere, and we knew we had to leave. However, we couldn’t go back to either of our places, because we both were staying a distance and had early morning plans. Instead, we parked on a dirt road near some houses by the beach. Neither of us knew where we were.
It started out in the front seat with some hot-ass passionate kisses… the type that makes you want to keep going, keep tasting them and feeling their soul and becoming one…. Guitar Guy had shoulder-length hair that made me hotter when I ran my hands through and pulling it, pulling him closer to me, biting his lip and tasting the salt on his neck. I wanted him inside me now. (His dick was much bigger than I’d suspected, so it was no disappointment at all; in fact, quite a nice hard surprise. 😉 )
Guitar Guy suggested moving to the backseat, which had more space but papers and crap all over the back. Neither of us cared at that point anyway. But the pause made us both started asking each other questions in no particular order…. Are you safe? Yes. Do you have a condom? No, do you? No. (More conversation about that went by.) By then we were both naked and still all over each other and didn’t want to stop. Can you get pregnant? No. How old are you? 21. Ohmygod, he’s a baby! How old are you? Old enough to… nevermind!
But that didn’t stop us at all, because I was straddled on top of him, windows up, motor off as to not attract any passersby or cops. The windows were steamed up so much we couldn’t see out of them. It was a HOT summer night on top of it. I rode him up and down, both of us sweating so much we were sliding all over each other. I came so hard my entire body was pulsating. He started to cum, pulled out, and we both were drenched in all of our bodily fluids, even in our hair. It was one of the most amazing, memorable sexual experiences I’ve had in my life. I would totally do it again, of course!
As of the first question, the only answer I will give about my age is this – I am over 30 and 40-ish. No need to give away all my secrets, right?
Never in my life would I have thought that I’d try to be a webcam model. I’m a very private person and wouldn’t want to be “found out” by anyone that shouldn’t know what I’m doing. (That’s why you don’t see photos of my face anywhere.)
A few weeks ago an old friend said to me I should try it, that I’d probably make good money. I told him I wouldn’t even know where to begin, because I know nothing about it. Coincidentally, about a week later I met someone that recruits women for it, but he proved to be unreliable. A few days later, I met yet another person whose ex-girlfriend was a cam model. So here I am thinking this is certainly a sign that I should take a serious look into this. He informed me of a site that features women only, and I signed up. It took a few days to be approved (you have to show proof of age, etc.), then I created my profile and tried to figure out how the site works.
I viewed some other webcam models’ pages to see what they were doing to get an idea of what I was getting myself into. Most of them seemed to be young girls, probably college age. How was I going to compete with that, I thought. I did a search for “cougar” to see if anyone my own age came up, and there were less than a handful online. Perfect! This is how I’m going to market myself, because there are plenty of men that prefer women my age. Some of the younger models seemed to be giving it all away for free, so I’m not sure how they make any money doing this. Others sat there talking to people in chat. One woman looked absolutely miserable and just sat there looking like she was ready to cry; I felt sorry for her and wondered wtf she was doing on there to begin with.
Monday afternoon was my first cam show. I spent several hours off and on throughout the day learning how to work the site. I wore a white top with lace on the bottom that was a bit see-through if you looked hard enough. It was long enough to cover my ass, so I could easily lift it to reveal one of my favorite silky black thongs. Apparently, when you first start broadcasting, the site shows you as a new model, so people can easily find anyone on there. My “room” filled quickly with voyeurs and chatters. I had NO idea what I was doing. Some people were very helpful and advising me what not to do. Of course, there were the typical assholes that wanted to see everything for free and others saying some pretty weird shit. I had several pop-up windows with private messages that I didn’t know I shouldn’t answer (it takes attention off of the room chat – and then you lose those people who may be the tippers). You can also view the men if they have a webcam turned on, so some were asking me to watch them on cam while they jerked off, another one wanting me to watch him stick something up his hairy asshole. It was definitely a learning experience.
I made some tips in regular chat, then had the opportunity for “group chat” in which at least 3 members have to agree to go to a group to see a semi-private show. I had one awesome tipper. Within about an hour and a half or so I made $100. That was incentive enough to want to go on again, which I did later that evening. I had a “private show” (one person) that allowed me to go beyond my goal for the day. He was also a very helpful member in showing me the ropes of the site. Some of my friends logged on to let me know I was doing a great job and offered some supportive tips. My night ended successfully, and I beat my original goal.
On Tuesday, I set my goal to be the same as Monday. But it seemed MUCH slower than Monday. (I’ve always hated Tuesdays anyway!) I had to really work at it to make about half of what I had made previously for a lot more hours. I had one young guy that was into older women tipping me to do stripteases to some hair band music. That was actually fun, but a little exhausting. Then I did two group shows. The tips were nowhere near what they were on Monday – and this time I was wearing a black bra and panty set, so less than the day before. Hmmm…???
The next day, I was so sore from dancing and moving in ways my body wasn’t used to. It was difficult to get up from the couch! I spent the day running around gathering new outfits so that I could do some camming in the evening and make up for Tuesday’s unfinished goal. I dressed in a black thong (I have several), a revealing black cover-up top that opened in the front and black stiletto fuck-me boots. logged on and waited a little bit, but no one was coming to my room. Maybe it’s too early, I thought. Maybe it’s a bad day of the week? I waited. And waited. Seriously, wtf is going on? It was nothing like the previous two days. Where the hell was everyone? Monday was definitely the best and most lucrative. How odd is that!
Well… then one of my new friends informed that I was no longer showing up as a “new model.” Huh??I’m on day 3 and I’m no longer new? What’s going on? I emailed support, and surprisingly, I got an immediate reply. Models are only “new” during their first ten hours of broadcasting. What!!! I’d spent about half of those trying to figure out how the site works. As you can imagine, I was extremely disappointed. How are people going to find me now? I have a few friends that could only find me because I’d told them my screen name. Now what? I have goals to pay off some hefty medical bills… so how am I going to do it if no one can find me? Any suggestions?
It wasn’t until I was about 30 years old when someone satisfied me through oral sex. That seems like a really long time to wait, but I know of women that have never cum during oral. Most women I speak to about this topic agree that most men do not know what they’re doing. How sad!
I was parked on the side of a dirt road in of the back of an SUV with a really hot guy that knew what he was doing. We had known each other for a while but never acted on our sexual tension. He wasn’t interested much in fucking; he wanted to go down on me and please me. I had never in my life known that anyone going down on me could feel so fucking great! He was sucking on my clit, my labia, and fingering me at the same time. He wasn’t gentle, and I didn’t need him to be. I don’t remember how many times he made me cum, but I know I didn’t want him to stop. I think the only reason we stopped was because another car was heading our way.
We never hooked up again after that, probably because our work schedules were opposite. But I will never forget that he was my first going down orgasm.
Most men cannot keep up with me, especially older men or even men my own age. Perhaps it’s just the area in which I live that the selection is poor. When I discovered younger men were attracted to me around my 40th birthday, I started exclusively dating younger men. I did not seek them; they came to me.
My first cub was a cute 30-year-old ex-military guy graduating from college that I’d met at a club while I was going through my breakup. He had beautiful blue eyes and had a model look about him, but he wasn’t very much taller than me. (I’ll just call him Blue Eyes.) Surprisingly, Blue Eyes had a huge dick, so I stuck with him for a while. I’d never been with anyone so much younger than I. We had a lot of fun that mostly involved drinking copious amounts of alcohol in a darkened living room and lots of making out and fucking. It wasn’t a lifestyle I wasn’t used to. As time went on, I grew bored of the excessive drinking in the dark on beautiful days. It just wasn’t for me.
Blue Eyes ended up moving to another state but we do keep in touch, as he sometimes gets sent back near my area for work. We hooked up about six months ago when he was in town – this time it was wintery weather, but we still did his routine of drinking and fucking in a darkened hotel room. It was really hard for me to get into, and things felt different than before. Sex was not the same as I’d remembered. I can’t pinpoint exactly what it was, but the sex wasn’t as exciting. A few years had already passed since our initial meeting, and I was in a much different frame of mind from when I’d first met him. I mean – he didn’t even cuddle with me afterwards, which is always part of the benefit of an old friend, right? I had driven about an hour to see him, but felt a little disappointed when it was all said and done.
There were a few things about him that turned me off, but I’ll save that for some other time.
Remember the old ADIDAS acronym in school? All day I dream about sex. Seriously. I never used to be that way. Perhaps that was because I was so busy working my butt off that I was too exhausted to think about it. I think about sex all the time, probably because I don’t get it nearly enough as I’d like and my hours have been cut to part-time. Now I have time on my hands to not only think about sex but to feel horny as fuck most of the time – even at work.
It seems that when I do actually have sex, it’s like a floodgate opening, and I just crave it more and more. The best way to describe it is I feel like I have a fire inside that needs attention. It’s almost a burning hot horny sensation like nothing I’ve ever felt. If someone simply touched me, it would make me cum. That’s how hot and sensitive I have become since becoming a cougar – just a deep burning passion that cannot be explained in words.
I had no idea I was a cougar until I’d turned 40 and ended a 10-year relationship. It was a difficult time of life with many stressful changes. I went out just to socialize with no intention of “hooking up”. For the first time in years, men were suddenly hitting on me. It was flattering after having not received that type of attention for a while, especially from much younger men. But at the same time, I was telling myself that they were just being nice and weren’t actually trying to pick me up. But I was wrong. Younger men were hitting on me constantly, and I was loving it.
I go thru sex toys frequently, like every 6 months or so, depending on their quality. I’ve tried several different types over the years and have found that anything that’s not coated with something rubbery is usually too hard. I like my toys to feel as natural as possible, like a real dick.
The purple rabbit you see here is one of my favorites. I’ve had it for a while, and… well, it’s broken. No more vibrating. Didn’t last long at all – maybe a few months. BUT – using it in combination with another toy does wonders! All I need is some clitoral stimulation and the insertion of the head of the purple phallus, and I can cum pretty quickly.
I have more toys I will talk about later, but so far these do the job pretty well. 😉