Bizarre Week & Feeling Blue

Feeling blue
Feeling blue

I’ve had the most bizarre few weeks. Several people I haven’t heard from in ages contacted me. Perhaps it’s the change of season?

One is a guy I dated several years before I was married – someone I have plenty of blog material about but haven’t the opportunity to discuss yet. He contacted me through Facebook. Apparently, I’d sent him a message about a year and a half ago and he’s just now seeing it. Thankfully, he has a kid and a wife to pay attention to now.

Another person I heard from a few weeks ago was College Boyfriend asking if I was safe from the storm. That was a huge surprise, because I hadn’t heard from him since that last encounter.

And then I ran into my ex husband – alone – which was a surprise not seeing him with Bitch Face. He denied that Bitch Face sent me that nasty text message saying to never contact him again, but I don’t believe he wrote it himself. And just like he’s always done, he believes everything other people tell him and repeated a rumor someone had spread about our child (which was far from the truth), and this upset me. Other than that, we had a mostly decent conversation and agreed that we needed to meet up to close the chapter we never closed. (The reason it was never closed was because he started dating Bitch Face and we stopped speaking.)

Then this is the most difficult part… I can’t even post the details about this yet, because I’m too emotional. Someone I’ve written about here started contacting me again, but because of our past, I mostly blew him off. But we did hang out a few times for a meal and just to chat. He told me he missed me, missed cuddling with me, and that loved me, which was nothing close to what he’d ever told me before. I didn’t believe him and figured he had an ulterior motive. Two days later, he was found dead. So I’m an emotional trainwreck at the moment, as you can imagine.

When I’m ready, I will post more about this. I’m unable to do any cam shows or photo shoots or anything that requires me to smile or focus right now. Hopefully, once a funeral or memorial service is arranged, I can start getting back to normal. For now, I’m living in a surreal world trying to deal with everything and find out answers.

College Ex-Boyfriend – To Hook Up or Not?

Nip Slip
Nip Slip

I’d had something of his that belonged to my College Boyfriend as a child, and I’d kept it the entire time. Cleaning out some things, I decided to look him up, and eventually, I found him on Facebook. It was interesting to catch up, and I was surprised at the fact that he was married and how many kids he had, considering he was such a free-spirited, anti-kid type of guy when I dated him.

College BF and I communicated via Facebook and eventually through Kik. He was coming to my area and wanted to meet up. I knew he was married, but I didn’t think twice that anything would happen between us. I was beyond that and honestly was looking at him like an old friend. Besides, he’d changed physically, and I was no longer attracted to him; my tastes have changed. I invited him to my place, we had some drinks and caught up from the last 15 years of our lives.

When we dated, he was not a very sexual person compared to me. Our sex life was vanilla in comparison to what I’m used to having now. I was always the one to make the first move, even from the very first time we hooked up in college. I had no intention of making any moves with him during this visit, and he didn’t try anything either, although I would never have expected him to.

When he left, he sent me a text asking if I had expected to take things further with him. I told him that I had not. I was a bit put off by him asking me, because I felt zero chemistry with him during our visit, even after having had several drinks. And it surprised me that he “might” be a cheater. Boy, am I glad we didn’t end up together! Eventually, I deleted my Kik account, and we stopped communicating via Facebook. It’s been about two years since then, and I haven’t heard from him again.

I believe he was seeking an affair, but I am not about that. I do not want to be the “other woman”. After having guiltily done that once, I would never do it again. More to come about that later…