Taking Care of My Own Needs

If they don't like it, they can hit the road.

If they don’t like it, they can hit the road.

I read an interview today about Jennifer Lopez’s autobiography titled True Love, in which she talks about her failed relationships and marriages. Her disappointment came from giving too much of herself, giving into her partner’s wants and needs, instead of going for what she wanted and needed. I find myself falling into that situation time and time again.

This vicious cycle of giving instead of listening to my own needs probably stems from the way I grew up. I watched mothers around me give to men for years, even at times putting them before their children, because they feel their value somehow lies with making the man happy instead of themselves. Putting everyone first and neglecting my own needs was something I became conditioned to do, and it’s a really tough cycle to break if you’ve been doing it your entire life.

Looking back at past relationships, even if I didn’t want to have sex, I would do it anyway just to make the man happy. This type of behavior always causes resentment and misery, and it often results in the lack of sexual desire. Believe it or not, for a long time I didn’t want sex. In fact, I avoided it, because I viewed it as a boring chore rather than something pleasurable. It was because I kept giving into my partner’s needs and wants (not just sexually) rather than taking care of my own.

Even now, I find myself (and my friends remind me) that I give too much of myself too quickly, and I’m too trusting at first. I guess I just tend to like people more than they deserve. So after spending nearly a week without power from the storm, I have a different perspective of things… I’m putting me first, and anyone that can’t handle it can hit the road.

7 thoughts on “Taking Care of My Own Needs

  1. Interesting post and great blowing off of some steam. A couple things strike me in your writing. You mention the vicious cycle. There is also a virtuous circle/cycle where you give and also receive. It becomes a beautiful circle where we don’t even know who went first with “giving”. Escaping the vicious cycle is always a great idea. However, if you think about yourself first, you then become the same as the men who hurt you and deny your true spirit. There are men who are like you and will welcome the virtuous circle 💖

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    • I think I have to think about myself first, no matter what, because no one is going to take care of me except me. For now, I really need to focus on myself, building up my business and establishing myself again, before I can allow someone into my life that is on the same page. I’ve been wasting too much time on others instead of investing in myself and my future. I spent most of my adult life as a single parent and partly as a married woman, so I was always taking care of someone and ignoring my own needs. When I finally had the freedom, I suppose I subconsciously looked for people to take care of. Hence, most of these blog entries. 😉

      Liked by 3 people

      • Damn J. That musta been one hell of a storm for that inner soul, looking in the mirror psychological journey of understanding ones true-self! If you could send that storm up to Wisconsin that would be awesome seems like everyone here has a virus…(more contagious than when someone yawns and then you have to yawn) the virus is narcism and everyone is only thinking about themselves and how to climb ( or suck the dick) of the corporate / social ladder of life the fastest with no regard to other humans feelings or situations in life. I’d just like to make the distinction that what your doing is no where near narcissistic as it is brave and life changing for the best and I believe You came to a therapeutic understanding of logic and reason as to why you need to think of yourself first for a change. I’m proud of you and I wish there were more of you out there 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

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